Roxy /Lester meet in Estor park begs for help getting Leather:
Date of workshop /edit
sunday june 23rd 2024
Pages 198 -238
Copy and paste in and then back into the book when fixed/feedback from comments /workshop is taken or not:
by Walkman and headphones, I just started to hum, and sing out loud for the audince always in my mind, or the crickets just outside the cardboard, metaphorical suberbs…
As I rode
Down the same old Road
I started singing,
The same old song
Always stuck in my head
When everything else falls
Away…
If You Want me to Stay
By The Red hot Chili Peppers:
If you want me to stay, I'll be around today
To be available for you to see
I'm about to go there then you'll know
For me to stay here, I've got to be me
You'll never be in doubt, that's what it's all about
You can't take me for granted and smile
Count the days I'm gone, forget reachin' me by phone
'Cause I promise I'll be gone for a while
And when you see me again, I hope that you have been
The kind of person that you really are now
You got to get it straight, how could I ever be late
When you're my woman taking up my time
Oh how could I ever allow, I guess I wonder how
I could get out a pocket for fun, oh oh
When you know that you're never number two
Number one is gonna be number one, oh, oh oh oh
(Oh, I'll be good) Oh, I'll be good (I wish I could) I wish I could
Get this message over to you now,
After what felt like three Chili’s songs, I finally arrived at Estor Park. I walked with my Bike close to my chest even as it got constantly bumped by rocks and leaves and dead whatever on the ground, it was only lit dimly by a few widely spread apart, lamposts. I only realized then Estor Park was kind of huge, Kevin didn't specifically say where, the hell Roxy would be, and I didn't have Roxy’s Number, why the hell would I, but now, I didn't know where to begin to find her here, I started to panic, I was starting to get impatient and frustrated, all I could do was wonder around the park, calling out her name like a fucking deranged stalker. Witch, I guess I must've already seemed like too that Mack Lasher look-alike in the parking lot, but I wasn't actually desperate, screw Kevin for dropping me into this pickle.
After a while of wandering around and calling out like a mad man in the empty park, no doubt scarring off countless old ladies, hobos, and pigions simply trying to enjoy their nights in peace. After wrecking my vocal chords for the night, I still couldn't find her. I was so close to giving up, Kev, sent me on a wild goose chase for nothing, so I was about to just go home, and accept dad’s defeat, and explain to Kevin had less time now before the battle, but we’d need to get the outfits another way.
I was about to turn around, and leave the park in shame, that was until I came across the festival grounds in the center of the park where we used to play, only I didnt reconzie it at frist at night. I spotted the main stage, with the lights around it, sticking out in the dark. As I walked toward it, stuck my head out and bulged my eyes, to make out the group sitting on the formica table in front, until her hot pink shaved head, and united black and white DOC Martins came into focus.
“Roxy?” I yelled from across the grounds, as I ran towards her and her Punk friends with no time to waste, sort of inidmtaed with how cool they looked, I assumed the girl in the low rise jeans, white crop top with safety pins and a severed baby head and buttons for eyes in it that just said “Eat Me”, the Bleach White hair in a messy hair, a peaiciing in eevry possible hole in her face, and black eyeshadow, even blacker lipstick smereared across a mean smirk, as she sat in a short, Bone Skirt with her legs spread apat was Claire. Based on what Kevin had told me she was a classic bitch, being their lead Guatrist, she was jelous that Roxy was the Lead Singer, or so Kevin told me. And the Chick on Roxy’s other side leaning on her like a window sill, the babe with a bald head, galring at me with an eyebrow rasied, was Willow. She was wearing nothing but chest bandages, suspenders, a really long mesh skirt, who had a color bone tattoo of the Anchist symbol, and a bunch of their symbols I didn't recognize, along with two older punk dudes one with a mohawk and another with longish hair wearing a pinned jean jacket smoking leaning against the table, just noticing I’d come up. I stumbled, at their almost godly presence, the whole lot of em, something out of a magazine, never came to our shows but I always wish they did. Too cool for school, too cool to relaize how cool they were, or how undbelively hot they were, how gnarly their tunes were, or how they were misfits, but secretly everyone wanted to be just like them.
I wiped the dumb look off my face, as I stared gaking for far too long at their Leaather, jagged, underground, perfect tablou, badass, boyish girls, forbiden patched up, mestrious, the picture of true beauty. They were like Kevin had described, everything I wanted to be, but could hardly make out in the dark sandy clearing in the shadow of the empty stage.
I had to try to stay on task, I thought to myself, as I just stared at them in awe. Roxy finally notcied me, soaking up their glorious shadow.
“Hey, Les.” Roxy said, confused but intrigued.
“Hey, sorry I didn't mean to uh, bother you guys on duty, I just-” I stuttered
“Hey Rox? How do you know this creep?” Claire asked, defensive.
“Down Claire, it’s just my boyfriend's Kid brother? He’s harmless.” They didnt even look at me, waiting for thief defenses to be lowered into a pensive, passive-aggressive posture. as Clare lit a cigarette and raised the one non-peairced end of her eyebrow.
“Oh Yeahhhh, right, the “morman” yeah…remind me when your gonna dump him again?” Roxy punched her in the elbow with her biker’s gloves, and rings, and rows upon rows of studded bracelets, including one lone hand-cuff, god that had to leave a mark, but Clarie didnt even wince.
“Shut up, He’s a good guy ok?” Roxy said, looking off into the distincce, not sounding very convinced. Danm is this how they talked about Kev, when he werent arround, but more impioratnly is this how real Punks talked? So cool. They were so…shameless! I scooted closer, as Claire glarred at willow, then back at Roxy rolling her eyes then puffing her ciggrete again, implying a thousand sordid history’s I was not privy too, with a galnce.
“He is! what are you skanks staring at! He's a good, sweet, guy, who cares about me, not my body, or my tallent! Witch is…shockingly rare. Not only that, he’s got a good future ahead of him, he’s smart, talented, He’s not my ussual type, but still, totally dreamy…”
“Dreamy? He looks like tom cruise, or ed norton, like a white picket fence or a military porn star!? He’s James Dean withoiut the edge, he’s so normal you couldnt find him in a crowd, I know you been with him for a while now but, honestly I thought you were past this whole self hating phase, ordeal. You know Punks don’t date…guys like that!” Claire sneered
“Hey now, He’s been nothing but for real every time he’s met you, and hey, no one likes a gatekeeper. How many times I gotta tell ya, he’s in a band too you know, his band isnt punk but it’s had some good stuff, better then any of the crap they had in this town in years as a matter a fact, you heard their album Full Spread, they had some songs on the radio on our ride here! And his brother Lester here, can really sing. I know Kevin on the inside, he’s so much more then his background, he wants to be more, and Bad Desions, their band is really going places” Roxy winked at me, Claire rolled her eyes
“Oh, so thats’ why you came all the way down here.” Claire sneered, glaireing at me now.
“No actully, I came here to get Roxy’s help…as a matter a fact, our band needs Roxy, Kevin said she’s the only one who can help us and there isnt much time. We need her help finding-” They intrupted me, like I wasnt even there. I couldnt dig all this…all these rules man whats the point of being punk rock to break the rules if your just gonna create and inforde yoru own, espcially on chicks even more, not cool man! Thats what I wouldnt be, no rules rock n roll, I would break em all, eevrthing goes.
“Roxy for the record I’m on team you and Kevin, not breaking up, you have totally upped his rock n roll cred plus made him way less of a little bitch to our parnets-”
“Who asked you!” Claire snapped
“Hey, dont talk to him like that, he’s in the family” She turned to them to turn up the amp on the srionniss and privicy of teh conversation for real this time.
“Since when have we been a punk band for the masses, given a shit about what other pepole in the scnee think about what we do or who we date? its about the girls, and the music, Roxy doesnt have to tell anyone shit, why are we even having this conversation? Is it bgecuase…your Jesulous of Kevins insufueble good person streak, stable home life, and…Massive Dick???” Willow said throwing her arm arround Roxy as Claire rolled her eyes. I did not need to know that about my own Brother, ew! But, you know what they say about genetics and what traits tend to get passed down…Just saying
“Your a sell out its offical, Claire, you being a sell out is gonna kill our cred on the scene way more then who I fuck.”
“Well, that may be true but we need to make money Somehow, We cant keep living in Mole’s Van. And Kim Fowley may be a creep but he may be our last chance to have a real career we cant keep fucking arround we all know your gonna dump him eventually what are you gonna leave us for him get a married to him? I mean…get real rox, what are you doing here, Besides, New York is getting too intense, half my friends dont make it there a week, even the most incredible bands, cant hack it! You have to be made of stone to survive this industry sell your soul, or, have no soul at all, so I say dump the Quarterback, you cant sell the image of a bad girl, and wear your heart on your sleeve like this with every high school guy who dicks you down and says your pretty, girls like us, just get end up heartbroken, guys like him never really care, if you forget that already, youll never Last, trust me I been in this bussniss too long. Hey baby, you have that stuff I from last time?” Claire held out her pale gohstely hand to mole. He rolled his eyes, and put an Acid tab in it, and put another on his own tounge as she did the same, holding hands.
Roxy took a minute too think, as she stared at the distaint Jearsy Skyline, as the moon parnted to reveal the melochcly sky, full of stars amd misstated, real opopuatrinties, to distant to grasp.
“You know it’s crazy” She looked to me, looking happy.
“What?”
“Kevin is the first guy I ever truly loved, like really, felt somthing real for you know, Its weird but I can tell he sees me as more then just a chick, he doesnt think im a slut or care about the music or what his parrents our our freinds or god will think, with him its almost like im the first girl hes ever been, he says I evey day I remind him love is verb not a noun…he says make him closer to god, the real god, outside the church. he says when he looks into my eyes all of lifes pressues, fear, an regret…fall away for the first time, he can be himself.
“He said that? wow, yeah he can be pretty cheesy…” I sai dthinking for amunite looking at her pink hair blowing in the wind
“I wonder if he will ever leave the fucked up shit of the church behind, I somtimes think he wants too, I actually, thought you were gonna help him, get away from it all you know.” I said looking away from her, in shame.
“We can’t help how we were raised, I mean if Jesus was here today, he would probally be so pissed off, at the mess we all made, he would become a punk rocker, right dude?”
“It’s just…if anyone could convince him to stop wearing that cross, its you, to stop pretdning he still gives a shit about those holyer then thou, perfect, those assholes, who just grind him up, untill he…there’s nothing left you know? I mean he’s done evrthing right and he’s enevr gonna be like them, why cant he just relize they hate him, Harvard, and Princon, and Rondaldn Ragan, Kent, and dad is never gonna love him, the church, is never gonna love him, God is never gonna love him like you do, their nevr gonna love him…like I do.”
“I know buddy” She Wispered
“So why dosen’t he leave?” I asked, a rare despration in my voice
“Well, we all have to belive in somthing”
“hey isnt that’s what you said to Striker, Courtny, Hannah, and Morrisy, and Alex Moon…even after he tried you run you over with his Motercyle! That’s what you said to me when we frust hooked up, what do words mean with you Rox, unless their lyrics in a song…” Mole said waving his hand in her face, as his acid trip started to take shape, bringing the truth out, and dragging his heightened reality in, as Claire starting to grasp at Imagnaary Butterfuy’s on the nearby Fesvtival stage.
“Yeah Roxy likes bad boys, like Sid Vicious, she doesnt like Phoney straight boys like Kevin he’s just a phase, he’s destiant to become some break up song, when he breaks your heart for the cheerleader or the virgin his parrents make him marry at Church, he’s just into you for his sad band’s image, when are you gonna admit it” Mole said, leaning on her, looking deep into her fiery eyes with his deep cold, dialied ones, brushing her Magetenia maine with his massive hands, putting his legs between hers as she pushed her chest out, clearly leading him on, I could tell, they had played this game before.
“As If, he’s ten time the man you’ll ever be” Roxy teased, I scooted next to her, fansnzises about Mole growing, made easier he looked like Flea. I would stand up for my brother, but to my joy, I didnt even need to, he found him a girl who did that all on her own.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah! Also, since when did I ever take Relationship advice from a guy, oh yeah, got dumped by a Groupie, because you wouldnt stop treating her like a free prostitute, and trying to give her to SLIMEBABY, the worst band in the whole tristate era…you should be in punk jail for life!” Roxy said
“Yeah, Mole shut up, about Kevin, she can date whoever she wants, I know you think your such a Femmist because your our drummer and all, but you’d be surprised, most girls dont actually find you very impressive, on or off stage” Willow contuined, getting in Moles smug face:
“Yeah are Girls better, we used to have a girl drummer like The Velevets, Remember Dona, but then she joined Act Up, became a full time acyvsist took up all of her time…I miss her, she was prettier then you, and a better drummer!”
“Thats cool wills’…Moley still gots time to become a good drummer, and a woman! inst that right Mole?” Roxy said
“Oh is that right? Your all a bunch of Dykes, you know that. Dont you chicks remmber, I used to be sombody man, I used to open for the Cutlure Club, for god sakes! I had my ownn rock n roll band, my own alter ego, almost a record deal…it was like, something new, and different, and then…the lead singer…”
“What, relized you were a massive dick, with an even smaller one to match?”
“No, I relized Punk was where the money was at iornicly, since selling out is all you fuck fear, I couldnt do that, So I had a sucucessful Punk Band in London for a few years, “Open Bodies” we rode the wave of the Pistols, the Clash, all that at it’s hight, but also that bastard Lead singer of mine, had three months to freaking live, a lifetime of sleeping arround and enever sleeping finally cought up to him and I was out of a bloody job, did you guys even reliaze my life was so hard?”
“Ah yes, your lead singer died of AIDS and were meant to feel bad for you, is that it, right?” Willow said, sacrasicly.
“Extacly, it was fully bogous, I was broke and musically…cucked! The wost thing that could have happened to anybody really, worst case sinario! So I tried to break ijnto to every genre on the radio, but still no luck in Elrtocash, New Romntics, Elton Jhon British Peinio pop, House, so no more wearing makeup, pritite suits and singing about living in a space ultiopia and making love with beautiful andrognous wemon, shit was still rough, so I imagnrated to the states and went back to my punk roots. Back to singing about fuck the police, but even Punk was a dead bloody end!…without my band I couldnt break in..So Riot Girl, was my next best bet, and I love being in this band with you ladies but, wow you chicks are vicious! And I get it, I really do. You are sick of guys, half of you been raped, and treated like trash, you wanna play with the big boys and I was down for that…but now, I think Its gone a little too far”
“Shut the fuck up Mole, you are just mad your not getting Pussy now for doing the bare minuim…just like all the rest of em, was that story soppoed to make us feel bad for you?”Wilow siad, blowing smoke in his pretty face.
“You know…yeah, a little Empthay wouldnt hurt, I’m bloody human being belive it or not, I have given boatloads of empthay to you, more then most guys, what about a little in return, what about a little barnder? a give and take?”
“What is this? The Empthaty Stock Extange?” Willow said, as her and Roxy Giggled. Mole started to get Red in the face as his acid or pent up rage up started to boil over, as claire looked over it. He was so hot evrthing out of his mouth was a blurr, I was just imagining Flea saying it all, based on their connections witch weree somthing out of my dreams, hwho knows maybe they knew Flea too. He put his hands on Roxys shoulders.
“I get it, No I really do, You hate men, and im your punching bag, im a big mean man, you can take out all your hatred on, rightmen cant do anything right…Im Ive ”
“Why are you guys being such Sissies?” Claire said “Mole, is trying top open up about his most vurbale muiscal experinces!” everyone rolled their eyes
“Yeah, and you have to take our music Seriously, for once, poor baby.” Willow said, My eyes widened.
“Yeah but I know how it goes, “all the guys to the back!! Ha Ha every time you Riot Girls yell that, all I think about is how after the show, your tongue’s are all going the back of my mouth, and you love it, but that’s the way you want it, power on stage and powerplay, backstage- You still want the guys in the band, because no chicks can resist me” Mole said, slapping her ass, Willow punched him in the junk witch I cheered on of course, to Roxy’s laughter and amusement, as Mole and Claire contuied to run arround the park on their acid trip like a couple of hyperactive monkeys in a zoo.
“Mole!” Willow Yelled, he whipped his big mohak arround, only to see Roxy and Willow start to make out…in public? I looked arround the public park to see if anyone, saw, no one. I was so shocked I almost fell off the table, but I just started laughing, bur thet just kept making oyt and doing increasingly scandalous things like touching eachothers boobs, and Wilow even took Roxy’s shirt off to match Willow’s lack of shirt chest war bandage thing, Claire looked super Jelouys and crossed her arms, but Mole just looked turned on, I had no words dude! The most bad ass thing I had ever seen yoy could just makeout like that, no shame no, nothing, oh my god maybe me and Rubin could do the same thing!?
“Ohhhhh that’s soooo hot, girl on girl, no way, I thought you were mad at me, my own personal, show im so turned on, please dont stop!” Mole started yelling, and getting all preomtily hot and brothered but in kind of a gross way, just to piss them off, so Willow flipped him off and kept making out.
“Oh you made your point, im a huge dick, you guys can stop now…” But then Roxy flipped him off too. So Mole gave up and joined his girlfriend up on the festival on the stage who was Dancing with an Acvid ghost, what I could only imagine was a good trip based on how happy they looked. Then Claire and Mole started making out too, and their acid trip really began, and they all got on the stage and started taking acid and just claposed to the ground, lying on top of eachother, starring at the stars, seeing whatever dreamworld I was trying to get to. I starred at them for a second, before Roxy’s laughter from right beside me calling me back, remdinding me, wny I came here to begin with.
“They are…they deserve eachother, we should do that more often thogh” Willow said, blankly smoking another ciggrete from Roxy’s pack
“I know that was hilarious, did you see the look on his face!” She cackled
“not to mention, totally hot, who needs men.” Willow said playing wiith her hair, and belly button ring as they both giggled.
“Oh Fuck, Your still here.” Both Willow and Roxy suddenly turned to stare at me sitting on the table next to them, my eyes wide like Owls having been a fly on the wall until now.
“Lester…hey dude, I forgot you were here…sorry you had to hear, all that”
“No,dude, It was kinda rigorous actually, in a new, confusing, never gonna be the same sort of way that I’m totally not gonna have to unpack later. But, Kev, will be happy to know…you were defending their epic rock n roll love!” Nice to think people out there really do defined your love even when all your friends, family, and life forces and trying to get you to break up…I wonder if Rubin’s ever defended our love, I turned back to Roxy.
“Your friends are so cool, you are everything I want to be” I said, I little to bluntly pherbaphs, as their eyes widened and both laughed.
“Wow, hear that.”
“We dont hear that often enough from boys…Ill smoke to that. What? Its a high honor?”
“Perhaphs too high an honor, dont stick arrpound, you’ll see, were terrible Role Models…” Willow said
“Well you guys are…like, the real deal, there arent cool people left in Ewing, and Im a prisoner here man, you gotta show me your ways. Your just so…”I was gonna make of a fool of myself
“your all just so cool, and punk rock, and badass, and…you just dont give a crap, teach me, teach me how to be like that.” I suddenly felt exposed like, the rolls had been revised, for the first time, Mack Lasher was nowhere to be seen, they were the towering rock gods and I was their humble, groupie begging at the stage door.
“Awww, he’s so innocent.”
“Yeah, Les, that's very sweet, but honestly girl, if anything becuyase of miss Chasity Belt over here, our recenet shows have been lacking in the…evrthing deprattment. We need to step it up, were not corrupting the children of Amercia Nearly enough” Willow snakred, as she then went in to kiss Roxy again, as she kissed her back, and then giggled almost falling off the table.
“That’s Badass” I muttered, sweating more then the moment called for.
“Love your jacket by the way” Willow said, pinching it’s edges, my eyes lit up, “turn arround for a sec.” In a haste and glee, I struggled to sweve, the tight leather hugging my bruised hips, so she could see the work of art on my backside in the darkness. But instead, Willow and Roxy’s excitement suddenly turned back to eye roll, jeez dude, tough crowd.
“Ugh, The Boss, really? Ugh Claire was right, these guys are phony’s. Ugh, why does everyone worship him arround here?” Brucespringsten fuck!I forgot, New York in the front, Jearsy in the back. But I was feeling cool all of a sudden so, what the hell, I’ll defend him.
“No, Ladies, come on, this Is Kevin’s Jakcet, and besides Bruce Springstein may be mainstream but in his own way, he’s kind of a Prolitariot Punk, singing about the struggles of the everyman, besides, I bet you just roll your eyes when you hear, Born in the USA?”
“Yeah, Ragan’s campaign music, man it doesnt get more sell out then that”
“Well, Willow, have you ever actually…I donno, listened to the lyrics?”
“Uhhhhhhh, you know what, no, I have not.” She sat back crossed her arms, and smiled, almost impressed with me.
“Yeah, because everyone thinks its some pro american Anthem, when really, he’s singing about, the struggles of Veitnam vets, how they were treated like dog dookie before, AND after the war, by the very same counrty they fought and died for, and bruce isnt cool with it eiether man, Kevin says so, he follows all his tours and in Rolling Stone he said himself, he Disvows all thaat crap. Very punk rock if you ask me.”
“Wow, learned something new, thats doenst happen every day. But you have a very limited view of punk if thats all you think it is, were trying to disrpupt the system, tear it down, call it out at every turn, make people squirm, piss themsleves with anger and shame at the world they have created for us, because thats the only way things will ever change…not vague gestures from well within the machine, that will undountbly be obsuorbed within it. Thats not punk, thats extacnly the kind of capstonist self serving unchallnging clehchie jingosrtic campiain for a littetral dictator, that our music is fighting againt against.”
“so…I shouldnt wear the jacket?”
“hah, I didnt say that…just it’s clear you have alot to Learn. If you really want to be a punk rocker that is.” Danm, that was alot to take in, I just sat there and stared out at the skyline.
“So…I heard you like dressed to kill, its a fucking masterpice. We saw it at the midnight theatre right after Rocky Horror picture show, and Roxy got so drunk her tights got gought in the fence and she was bacscly naked from the skirt down all night!”
“Oh fuck, dont tell him about that night!”
Wait…roxy, what else have you told them about me?”
“Oh lots of things, Lester, losts of things, like how your band is…welll not ecstasy punk but, I mean, well Willow how would you described Bad Descions…”
“Loud, and…dififcult to look away from like a very fun planecrash.”
“Thank you???”
“I mean as a band, you guys are clearly in your infacnacy both in finding your sound, and its clear your not really friends with eachother but somehow…eevry show Rox has taken me too has been, fucking wilder then the last, and most of the these high school boys have no stange presence let alone, the kind of energy you guys have. From the original, sexual, viarried genre songs, Its pretty clear you guys are going places. Weather you join us or not.”
“Wait, willow do you mean that?”
“Oh yeah, trust me I have been inb the scene a long time I have scene so many wanbee bands, good and bad come and go, and you guys…I dont know, you are way too good for this place thats for sure. Especially because you already have that scandalous repuatious locked down, you guys were banned from touring Jearsy for singing a song called Stans Abortion in a Church, Trent is like a local battke of the bands legand who is always one fight away from being given the boot from that place your gonna compete next week in Trenton, he’s a real wild card, and already estcbalished in teh local College heavy metal scene, also he’s Cherkee so that means your not all…vinilla like half of these other alternative bands sprouting out of the Subberian grass. You guys dont look young and inexperienced, you defnfily look older, especially that Jhon Waters extra you have on bass, your already experienced with all your insurtemnts, clearly have been playing with eachother for years and have some experience and a papupble amount of stage cohesion, chemistry and friendship that you can really feel oozing from some of your especially early tracks like Rock n Roll on Rye, the satduiuim crowd pleasers, that as much as Claire is a sellout, everybamnd needs one Crowdpleaser song to make their rounds on the radio, to keep the lights on, and make people feel good for a few minutes, before you scream in their face about your friends dying the streets.”
“Lester, you hear that!”
“But then again, your band isnt too diffrent from some of the others we have toured with, and played with at CBs, a rock band full of white boys singing about New Jearsy and Statan trying to fuck the man, are afterall, a dime a dozen ”
“Awwww, really?”
“But, you know what really makes your band stand out, that I noticed right away, what I think is gonna be your bands secret weapon to…mind melting sucuss”
“What?!”
“You”
“Me?”
“Yeah! I assumed Kevin was the lead singer.”
“Yeah, we…get that alot” I sighed
“yeah…well, at first it was because Roxy is the frontwoman of our band and I assumed she was keeping it in the family, but also because he…well it put it bluntly, he looked the part. I mean, he’s tall, white, conventionally attractive, great hair, almost as great guitar, he’s the boy next door, back when Frosty was marketing you to be just like evryother rock band in jersey, he was the obvious choice for lead singer…but instead you are, you always were going to be”
“Yeah whats your point?”
“What’s my point? Half these bands are doing everything but sing a good tune, just to stand out in this scene these days but you have something none of them have…You dont look like anyone out there, on or offstage, weather they accept you or not. Sure Your short, fat, not a little fat, like fat, but thats what im saying, why not own it? Use it to your advantage!”my eyes widened
“I dont know, mack Lasher is…I dont think you get his appeal”
“Fiorget your little alter ego man! Being punk’s all about being angry, fucking, the man? You clearly wouldnt know anything about that” You wanna bet.
“Fine, lay it on me” I said, wishing he would
“Its about, having nothing to loose man! Challenging all that brutal, real, rage of people tearing you down, all your life, and siting into the corewd at the top of your lung!
“Yeah as a woman, It’s powerful shit man, forget Mack, try singing as you next time” Roxy said
“I donno”
“you got to get pissed off, they tell you its your fault, you should just diet, watch richard simons, work out, loose weight…?”
“Only evrry day of my life…”
“Your what, 17? But you could pass for 25, yeah man, you live in the middle of fiucking nowhere Ewing, and you dress like half of Christopher Street, and your voice? man that shit was Uniquie too, isnt it Rox? Like almost whiney, its almost grading but its not it jiusty hits that sweet spot especially when you hit that sweet spot, and the fact you can also play Giutair…and have quite the scandalous reputation of your own, from what ive heard.
“What the hell have you heard?”
“Iggy pop, really?” suddenly my balls froze over into the next ice age
“I think I have to go home, my dads gonna kill me for jumpinhg out the window and locking him out of the shitter, its fine I can get what I need somwhere else!” I scrambled up to my feet, running away to the nearest somehowere, anywhere in the sattered dark of the park, everything faded to chaos and black, oh my god, how the hell did THEY know I lied about that. They both started craocking up, rolling arround on the grass, laughing themselves into next week.
“Wait, lester come back!” Roxy weezed
“Did Kevin tell you…it’s totally true by the way, I totally rocked with Iggy and everything else you heard about me, thats also a bonafide, 100% fact, I swear on my life”
“Woah buddy calm down, its fine, the gig is up, we get it. Building a legend arround yourself, get the buzz going, you said so much wild shit at so many festivals and to so many people about yourself no, about your alter ego, who you proform as on Stage, whats his name again?”
“Mack Lasher…”
“Yeah Mack Lasher, not a good name but too late now. Some of his epic tales have already travled so far Iggy might believe it himself. Its genius, really”
“its not a lie…”I cant believe this, only Kevin knows about my lies…right? It, it wasnt soppoed to go like this. They cant just see right through it, thats not fair, whats the catch.
“But as awesome as Mack Lasher is, all your lies or at least most of them paint him as just like every othe rock star dogebag out there, every other hair metal clone, who I thought you were trying to be separate from? And why do you need an alter ego?” Roxy asked
“Did you ever think that in a world that makes every essence of your existence something to hate, to fight against, to hate, and rape, and do evrthing to beat you down and teach you to be quiet and dolcie, and slay in closet for the rest of your life, just being up stage as yourself, in all its glory, everything, owning it, elvading it, flauting it, is the most punk rock thing you can do.” Roxy said, getting right in my face so, our pounding hearts syncerized to the beat of a distsant song I had yet to write. Wow, I had never felt so alive, could they really be right? But…Lester Flatt is not a punk rocker, thats what Mack Lasher is for, the implications of their words filled me with terror and thrills like I didnt know possible, as Roxy held my chubby hands in the moonlight in hers. As Willow leaned on Roxy’s head. Suddenly I was reminded why Kevin had sent me to her tonight.
“I just remembered, why I came here.”
“yeah?” Roxy said
“As Punk rock of a frontman as I man, for the battle of the bands we are trying to re invent ourselves for preciously this reason actually, to stand out from the other bands…and also to actually have music that means something and isnt just what Frosty wants and what might make money in some kind of way, well you know. Yeah dude, you know you just went on a whole epic life changing thing about it…anyway, long story short, were going darker this time, no more bad boys from jersey, were going all the way, thats the only way to win battle of the band the competition is stacked this year especially if we want to beat Mr. Grand Champion hismelf, you know…his name”
“Rubin Smith, oh yeah he’s like a big thing arround here right, he seems a little basic but all the boys and girls at you and your brothers school worship the ground he walks on, he seems like a bit of a prick but I get the appeal, oh yeah Rox didnt you tell me something wild about him last night?”
“WHAT DID YOU TELL HER ROXY????” I snapped
“Woah, Les nothing!! Relax why are you blushing so hard??”
“Nothing just…What did you say, did Kevin tell you because, Kevin said he wouldnt tell anyone Rubin, because you see he’s…Kevin just knows alot of information about Rubin, and Myself, mostly about him that…he promised not to talk about ever and if he did everyone would defnifly get…I have said way too much, just tell me Roxy please, what did he tell you about Rubin” I suddenly felt a pit form in my stochmoch, fuck I knew this would hppen eevrnetully, spilling to much, to these sudenturtucess no less, I knew I couldnt trust them, It wasnt too late to run and hide in the bushes, or play dead, the long silence was so loud you could hear my tummy rumble,as they stared at me trembling, staring inquistivky at me, after eons of studying me, willow cracked the tension ballon with a big fucking smile.
“I fucking knew it.”
“What?”
“You know, they alaays say to nevr assume and yet, im right every time.”
“What the fuck are you guys talking about?”
“You're gay.”
“WHAT? No…who’s saying that? Are punks really saying that?...are they cute?” They just rolled their eyes, Claire looked weirded out, Mole looked confused but like it was an invation to party, and Willow just looked relived.
“Honey, I knew from the second I saw you onstage, no, the second you opened your mouth about You and Rubin, you gave everything away, you guys hooked up didnt you, no, your dating!? Awwww, it all makes sense now, I heard rumors he was fucking some guy in one of the rival bands, I never had any clue it would be you! The world keeps getting smaller I swear.” man, she just laid it all out like that huh, man Kevin was underselling how intense Roxy’s friends were, if they were this ruthless with me I couldnt even imagine how much they crushed Kevin, but now I was fully hooked. Was it that obvious, I always thought it wasnt! Danm Is this what it feels like to learn Santa Claus isnt real, just everything I thought I knew was a lie,and my,fun kind. “Gay” I never heard somone else say it to me befofore, its a little weird they knew that fast, but they werent mad, or beatibng me up or sending me straight to hell back with my exosrisim dempns or anything like that so far so good…the trick is to set expectations low.
“Um, I'm sorry Kevin is the only person who knows, thats what I was gonna ask about Rubin, if that's what He told you, that he knows we, sometimes…um, or whatever just because I dont think people should know, and he definfly doesnt want anyone to know” let alone the domino effect if the rest of the lovelist gets out…
“Ohhhhhhhhh, no honey…are you kidding?” Willow said
“Are you?”
“Noooo, we would Never out you, no no, were also huge Dykes so, I mean, hello”
“Yeah one day, Mole will get over it, he’s still in love with me and Claire is jealous”
“She’s kind of hot when she’s jealous though, witch is messy I know”
“ohhhhhhhhhhh, you know what, that remominds me…” Oh my god I have been waiting all my life to say this
You know its kind of lame isnt it, Rock Stars cant be more gay, in fact it doesnt even make any sense beucascse they already wear a bunch of make up, half of them were bisexual in the 70’s incuding Max lasher with our band Ape Meat not withsading, but in their personal lives and half their songs they insist on being straight, it is like…who is still bying that? Who with eyes, ears, and fully operational brain actually thinks ELTON JHON, BOY GROGE, FREDDY MURCURY, and the Village Pepole are HETROSEXUALS???! gay rock stars would just make better music, they woildnt be distracted by the constant affairs with chicks I mean if people knew how gay half of rockstars were already, like…male groupies, and rock stars gay past, and…I dont know other stuff Im sure ill find out about, sooner or later, They would priably stop buying their music but most fans probably woudlnt give asmuch of a rats ass ass those sticj up purtains think!! Imagine, an openly billbaoerd charting gay rock star!!, but also famous but also not just hot and macho, like gay in every way, drag queen, leather, disco, theatre…and every other gay thing they would embody it, in the best way…who challenged people, broke down barriers, but also actually did charity, actibvism shit in the real world, imagine how much they could do for people gays and otehriwse, to open their…evrthing! It may seem impossible now, but there’s always got to be a first to show the industry someone liek that could be a money maker, out and on stage, as…themselves”
“And you think thats gonna be you?” Willow said, an eyebrow raised
“I ddidnt say that, but…yeah why not? Why not!?”
“Roxy, we should provbaly leave,go find them and take em home, he’s sweet, but, we cant babysit this kid all night” Willow wiepred in roxy’s ear
“What do you need?” Roxy asked
“Kevin said you were the only one who could help us find new outfits for the battle of teh bands”
“Outfists? What kind? -let me guess, Leather?”
“You know me so well-”
“Any references?”
“No, ugh! I had one in the village voice early but I gave it to a homeless guy and-”
“say no more, I know just the place” she toar the cigarette box’s lid off and wrote on it with the back end of her eyeliner, an address and gave it to me as the wind belew through hair.
“Trash and Vaudvile? This isnt in Ewing”
“If you want to be a punk rocker, this is good place to start. I guarantee none of those other jersey bands from Trenton of Dropouts and Divorded dads will haveg the style from that place. Rudy from the Astor hotel, says it’s the only place outside of a Dongon to get qulaity leather, he’s a friend, his number is on the back, incase you need a ride home from the city.”
“Th-Thanks! You are a real life saver! We’ll see at the battle!” I looked up, and they were gone.
“Wait…this is in New York City” I asked
“How do you expect me to get there, with no wheels?! Roxy!! You really gonna ditch a fellow brother in rock in his hour of need!? Very nice, ugh this is majorly bogus, thanks for nothing!”
The later that week, Band Rehseal, Let’s just say I was a little to proud of myself, borderline distracted even.
“So did your get the outfits from Roxy?”
“No Kev, but…I think I got something better”
“better, do you really think we have time for better?”
“Im working on it ok? Just dont wig, evrthing is in motions, its all taking places-”
“Well I cant complain. I have to say, I love that your spending so much tim with my girlfriend lately, she’s somnthing else right?”
“Yeah, great musical influence, why didnt you tell me she was so…well connected in the scene”
“I think I did man, shes hard core. Indmating but, its kind of the appeal, most chicks dont do it like her. Isnt that why you like her so much?”
“Fuck, but you didnt tell me SHE was in a band herself man, a punk band, that she lives in new york, in a van, that she knows all the clubs and places pepole go, that bands go, she is in that world and we, where are we, in the suberbs…the suberbs of the suebrsbs, she and her band must have thought I was so lame last night, like some dumb kid…”
“I sent youy there to get our band outfits because you called me dude praicly loosing your mind over the whole thing, not to make best friends with them, I mean…but I could have probably seen that coming”
“They were so cool dude, no they are the dienftion of cool, if we cant be like them, what is even the point of getting the outfits or going to the battle, or being in rock n roll at all? They have it all figured out diude, they are the future! Dude were listing to punk rock from 5 years ago, the gnerre could be in a whole new dimension by now and we wouldnt even know t because were tapped in this prison, dude image all that we missed already, it could already be over by now!? Its litatrly the end of time, we could have missed very impaorant musical rock n roll experience by now its all going on without us across the river, and were here, growing old and deadbeat…”
“Well after Punk rock there’s gotta be something right, maybe you’ll claim that uncharted…oh I donno, Im relaizing more and more how clueless I am about all this, but I know you’ll figuire it out, you always do. Its not that serious right there;s always music, always genre’s, you arre a force a nature, if there’s no space, you just make your own, I know you will and if they wont, I’ll force the gates open.”
“I like the world you live in better”
“I wish I could spend all my time with the band, in truth im barley holding it all tiogether, I feel like Arron, forever the sorpporter to those on great missions, Pastor Angles says we are the ones who build the world but get half the credit, the “mother men”, he calls us. These days, in school I try to keep my head down its where I know evrthing but Im misiebrble, I harldy feel awauke, on the field, on class, at home, esxpect here, and with Roxy on her arm im all your little taboo metaphors, with her backstage, at new york raves, in clubs she tells everyone im her new Local find, parades me arround, as if im not there, her freinds are evry sin, every poster on your wall, she spins me arround till god is upsidown and the world is a fiction, reuqiring a strong framing divdice, her songs make me think I dont need to understand, to control, that I could for once let go, no guilt, no conditions, just love, love for all its own sake and her face, is very beautiful after I gush about you, and gush about the band, and talk about how Ive fallen in love with Rock n roll, and its new and she thinks its hot becuase im still in love with God, so that tension…well you dont need to know everything”
“Wow, why dont you marry her already”
“Oh, come on bro, Im sure you and…you know who are having loads of crazy backstage antics as well”
“God, don’t be so obvious..” i said looking arround at the band tunning their guitars, starring at Trent who squinted at me surpisiously
“Sorry, Im sure you guys are having fun though right…you saw did the deed with him the other day right? ”
“Yeah, yeah…done the deed, no actually, but yesterday I did screw my old pal, Keith Richards, but he was very fussy as ussual, so I had to leave in the dawn like hours, you know how it is.” I said, reverting abck to my old habits, remembering then that it had been a few days since Rubin had given me a call, not to sound baddy or anything but…I think what me and Rubin had might be more then physcial, more then just the most epic, life, brain chemistry altering, rock n roll, hot, redeuciuslsy awesome sex of all time…I think I might be in love.
“One of these days your gonna heve to tell me where you get this stuff! Anyway, its just sex, dude rememebr sex drugs and rock n roll that you been telling me thast our motto, what happened to living it? I know your brave enough to do that shit here, but most of us think thats just gonna lead ot the same shallow, shock, hair metal you hate. If you want to stand out, be a real rcoker dont forget why you wanted to do it, why and how you wana stand ouyt and what kind of rock you wanna pit oit in the world…You cant forget how your fans are gonna be”
“Yes sense,” I said bowing
“Hey, Kev your not like most guys are you.”
“I guess not man, its not a badge of honnor, doesnt make me superior but…and im noit that different but”
“But you are”
“I guess so man, what of it”
“And im also not like most guys”
“One could, say…”
“Your not like most guys, most guys don't think the way you do about the world, most guys dont question everything put in front of them, even things everyone takes for granted. Most guys, don't treat chicks like equeuls, like dont enjoy their company, and respect their contributions, arent intimated by them or jealous, they are just…inspred and happy to be with them, never insecure, most guys who could have any girl they wanted wouldnt go after a girl like roxy, willingly, especially when he knows his high school days are numbered and so are theirs.”
“What’s your point?”
“You love her? Its more then sex, Like you really, love her?”
“Yeah…I think I do.”
“But dude, the million dollar question, how do you know? Is it like a voice that appears in your dreams that says “Kevin this is the girl for you!! Go, be with her or you will be bumeed out forever!!”
“I Donno man, I can just feel it, its like pastor Angles said, somewhere deep within my most tender spirt where no soul but her, and god has seen with uncouded eyes, in the most tained world, she’s an angel of pure dsire pure earithy music and joy, and I am but her muse, carrying her, birch hearp, never want to leave her perfect bosom.”
“God your gay”
“Why do you ask, all of a sudden, I thought our bands new direction was less Jearsy Love songs, and more dark, Punk rock songs about how the government is made of slime, or whatevr”
“No dude, I was just wondering how you knew, you were in love…for future love”
“man remmeber thats why I set the love list thing up, just enjoy it whike it lasts, but now your getting out there with Roxy, you wont even need to screw those Musty Ewing freshman anymmore, not trhat you ever needed too. Speaking of witch, Roxy’s friends are pretty hot stuff right, those chicks are just….nothing like em at ewing thats fir sure, theur tough cookies, and Mole I had a feeling you’d like him, he’s…at the very least sexually fluid, last I heard but dont tell Rox I told you, becuas he’s dating her little rival, claire. But I had a feeling you guys would hit it off, so aside from the clothes, what the hell did you guyts talk about?”
“I didnt, I mean I ddint but, not really, now I do, for real man and its amazing, she has the coolest friends Ive ever met, we didnt talk they talked about…Oh god, so much dude! Like their band, how they wanna get a record deal with this dude and-they dont have pepole like that here in Ewing, they were complaining abouyt you trying to get aRox to dumo you, sorry kev, and, and, they kissed! Willow-”
“Who kissed?”
“Wilow and Roxy!”
“oh…ohy that doesnt count, their girls”
“Oh. But Their so cool right, You spent all your time with her freinds, I didnt send you over thre to hang out but honely I shold have known you would hit off, they are a litel out of our leauge but, in a good way. Il be honenst, like I said, I like Willow, they are a great mentor for you, they indmate me man, but Willow always stand up for me when roxy’s other friends try to get her to dump me for some interband poltuics, we’ve talked they have some wild ideas about philosophy, religion, poltics, I mean they are an Anrchist afterall, but are also one of the nicest pepole ive met and my girlfresds best freind so, what are you gonna do. You could probaly learn alot from them, always talking about how you want to push boudnries and all that, Did you know Willow says their not a girl or a boy, isnt that cool?”
“What, how is that even possible?”
“I dont know man, its just what they told me. Said their some bars where they go with Roxy after shows, where alot of pepole are, who knew. The world is wide man, I dont really get it, I guess they are just too “Punk rock” to be a girl or a boy, dont know how you beat that”
“Honestly, neither do I…you are too open minded for Ewing Kev, pleadse dont go to Princton and Bcome a Narc, run away with me and lets form our own band, we can be a dou, we can throw whip cream at the rcrowd, it a statemmt about…the repression in the cathtoic church!?”“Ha, that sounds great but no you know why I have to go, besides, I get why Roxy hasn't come around our band, or even introduced our bands until now to be honest. Even if you want to get into the punk scene, i'm not sure the rest of the band is down for that, let’s just say I can't see Lenny and Beans as being a punk anytime soon, and don't tell him I told you, but Trent is pretty fed up with the whole band thing, after the battle he really is gonna quit and go give people tattoos with his uncle, I thought he was joking, but apparently he’s for real, and after what he’s told me I can't blame him, evryones got to their own thing, even if that means going solo for a while…whatever that means” Damn Kevin…not what I nedded to hear right now!
“Ok…Kev, your pep talk game is, getting weak”
“Just let me know when you get the outfits, the battle is days away. Ok guys are we gonna sit arround and get high or are we gonna run this song again, Beans is that a Playbody, guys, come on, do we want to sin or do we wan to win?”
“L-lLame!” Beans whined
It wasn't until later that week, I finally decided to take some action on Roxy’s leather Band outfist quest. First I had some teenage sludge to wade through, but after some bogus government santioned totrture called school, then band practice, trips to camelot with Kev, Thinking about how Flea and I both have junkie fathers and used to play the trumpet and are basically soulmates, eyeing just enough of Rubins lighninging rod bod to get through the day, until we ineteivly hook up, in the bathroom between periods, in sexier and sexier polstions, thinking about confessing my love to him and running away to california. Clearly getting him to fall madly in love with me and my rock star body, at this point he is addicted, the most comoftble he’s ever been, but also the most tense not to get caught before the battle, as his popalrity with Rolling Viens grew, so did his panrionia with and arround me, witch only made it sexier, though also at times more stressful since I often enevied Kevin and Roxy, and the other hetero dorks arround, sure they would get called sluts if ocught regardless, but at least they the right to privacy, though all the same, rock gods dont get privacy, so we better get used to it.
It was only then I realized, after one day, Rubin Mentioned his band had a team of designers now and they had already picked out an outfit for them, matching with their new
