Cut Lying Flatt scenes draft 8 (darlings I wish I didnt have to kill)

Battle of the bands backstage //(Cut Scenes)

- Rubin fight scenes/Trent's hear-to-heart: pages: (308 - 345)

- Trent's Heart-to-Heart 

interjected, as Kevin shoved me behind him and rolled his eyes. 

“Uh, huh…well, You're late, be grateful your performing last then. Billy!! Don't just stand there, get them backstage!” Just like that, she ran off, disappearing into the crowd.

“Follow me” Billy said, in a defeated drawl. As he ushered us away from the crowd through a shiny golden door in the lobby, up a flight of rickety, winding stairs, finally arriving at the coveted place where all the real shit goes down, backstage. 

“Ok, this is your dressing room…if you have any Horse, just give it to me now man it’s been a long day, long week, I’ll pay you double”

“Any what?” Kevin shriked, like a housewife in heat

“Billy get out of here!” Trent said he said, shooing him away, slamming the dressing room door in his face. 

“HEy! I think he was asking to buy drugs dude!” Lenny said, slow to arrive
“JUST! Dont talk to anyone! God!” trent said totally wigging, finding the nearest shadow to brute in. I needed an excuse to go find Rubin to go, I donno make out again, god, has sex drugs and rock n roll reallly taken over my life…but things were going so well you know who care’s about the future right now, when the present was finally going so danm well. It was crazy, it gave me such a rush of power, that I was dating the battle of the bands champion most popular guy in school this wholke time, and no one even knew, that he was mine, I dozed off in that momet thinking of us being on the road toegtehr, of my career as a rock god, not having to give up myself, love, hope for all my dreams, I really could have it all…with his lips arround mine, his hair, his arms, his hands, his guitar, the world be danmed

“Earth to Lester!” Lenny yelled snapping in front of my face

“Oh, what, yeah-um” 

“hey Trent, where do you think Rubin is right now?”

“In his dressing room getting ready, just like the rest of us, you fucking Cocksucker” 

“So where is it then?”

“Im not telling you”

“Ugh Trent, why not? Your such a little bitch you know that, why do you hate good things! Why do you hate anything good, and happy, and happy in this world, why? Why are you like this!?”

“Why do you want to go to Rubin’s dressing room? see, I knew somthing was going on between you two after the party!? You are such a bad lair” 

“Fine, you won’t tell me, I will just ask someone else, I have have rights you know!”

“Ok assholes! Let's do this!” Lenny declared, stripping down to his boxers, right in front of everyone! At the worst possible timing! Jeez, I think he had gotten a little too comfortable changing in front of us for rehearsals. Every one of the bands just cracked up, at Lenny's sudden display of frank yet obvious nudity. They started hurling each other around, and falling on the ground in piles, causing one broken bottle short of a full-blown riot.

a few hours passed, I realized we were stuck in our dressing room until our performance time, witch wasnt nearly as fun as I imagined, it’s fine though the battle was still evrything I imagined, though in my head I was still fiaxatred on seeing Rubin before his performance, though in the list it said he was preforming right before us, second to last, so we had time. I just wanted to know what “surpise” song he preformed, I wanted to see him so bad, but something told at this poiint me that wasnt gonna happen. The drinking, drugs, and girls became common place, but so were the bands cruelty to bands who woar too much makeup, too crazy or queer, witch made me slightly nervous but not to much for our act, the newcomers, but through seeing it all, I kept my head in the game it was still not as rigged and shitty as Trent disribed, remmeber this was our last shot, we still had to win this thing.

Suddenly Lenny emerged fully dressed, thank god, then came out and plopped his ass on the folding chair, sitting like a changed man. The laughing simply resumed, it was high school all over again, didn't these older bands have anything better to do while waiting to preform aside from mock us? One 6ft joker, with long hair, a massive handlebar muscle, muscles the size of Oger’s goal stone. This guy was like the Hells Angels, angel of death. He looked Lenny right in the eye, before spitting right into his Bass, we all winced at the slimy reverb. He had a Confederate flag bandana, and a tattoo of a cop getting crucified, he had a cracked glass eye in his right socket. His band looked like they hadn't seen the sun in 400 years, and had at least three pimps on retainers, and ten guns in their trunk. This was not the kind of guy you’d want to see you mostly naked, oh Lenny you’ve done it now.

“Hey, who let in the Brady Bunch? They have really gone downhill” He said, in a drunken growl to his buddies.

Since Lenny had no shame, he just flipped em off. No, come on Lenny these guys aren't worth it! Just walk away…don't be dumb now, for once in your life!

“Oh, shit, haha! There are some balls on this one! ha, he’s taking us bird watching! Hey kids, I think it’s past your bedtime! Why don't you run home to daddy? '' he said, slapping his knee like he was trying to beat his blood cells back into circulation. This guy was the personification of everything wrong with rock n roll, and the human race at large. But sadly, dear sweet Lenny was oh so stupid, and couldn't resist a good fight.

“Hey, old man, let's see if you're still saying that, when we beat you sorry geiziers! You can wave that $20,000 goodbye, right after we dangle it right in your, blind, ugly, burnt ass faces!” Lenny postured. Jesus, he needed to dial it back. The offended redneck stood up ready for a fight, seemingly towering above us.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, GROUPIES!?” Oh shit, Lenny was gonna get us killed before the show even started! Though, I can't deny it felt good to see someone tear into these guys, even if it was coming from Lenny’s mouth. 

“Nothing man, jeez, keep it in your pants.” Kevin said, pulling him aside

“Lenny, just quit while you're ahead dude!” Kevin whispered in Lenny’s ear, as Beans stepped in front of him as a human shield.

“You listen here, you ungrateful little brats. I’ve been rocking since before you were a twinkle in your mama’s eye. I won this battle five years in a row, and let me tell you, this year is no different, do you get me?” I giggled, at his very-not so subtle Full metal jacket reference.But, he really wasn't selling it.

“Or do I need to spell it out for you, in case you haven't learned all your ABCS?''His drummer stood up along with the rest of his backwater band, like they were playing the pledge of allegiance, at frequencies only they could hear.

“Ok, well if you're so great, then what’s the name of your band, hm?”Lenny asked

“The Lost Cause.” They said, traveling their matching lost case band shirts, with the name of the band in big bold letters plastered across their wide chests. Robert E Lee playing electric Guitar even made an appearance. Holy torpedo, I’ve heard that name before, it was the one we made fun of the most on Frosty’s roster. We imagined them being ridiculous, but this…this was just too good to be true. I mean, I'm just swimming in metral, the jokes write themselves at this point. I mean what kind of Confederate cartoon character actually names their rock band “the lost cause”? Well, they just made this a whole lot easier for Lenny, and a whole lot funnier for us.

“Lost cause? That's Fitting.” Lenny scoffed, not even trying to hold back laughter, as the rest of us caved and started laughing at them, how quick the tables can turn.

“You want to say that again, louder so the whole class can hear you!?”

“With pleasure, let me get this straight, your band is called…the Lost cause, THE LOST CAUSE?! hahahaha, that is just too good! I mean…come on, you guys are basically begging to be a punchline! And it isn't even funny!? I mean, it's funny for us, not so much for you.”

“Shut your mouth!? You know how easy it would be for me to beat you into a couple of cherry smoothies right now!? But you boys are lucky, I am a man of god, and I promised my ex wife I would never lay a hand on another undagerage boy!”

  “Jesus Christ.” Kevin said, looking dumbfounded and discucusted.

“Do not take the lord's name in vain!” He said, perfectly on cue.

“The Lost Cause…I mean, that name is…prophetic, as you already lost your dignity right now, just like you're gonna lose the battle.”

“We are not gonna lose tonight, little punk! We've never lost a battle!”

“Oh you mean like the south?” Lenny said, crossing his arms in vain. Damn Lenny was going hard, I was fully rooting for him now. Even Trent got up to join the take-down, all for one and all for once, Trent obviously didn't quite care for this shit.

“No! The south should've won, they were victims of war crimes! Confederacy lives on! If it wasn't for the war of northern aggression-”

“-Um, no, and also…no. Ok, I think that’s enough for you for one day. We have better things to do than stand around listening to some pervy, old, washed up, delusional racist talk about how great his music is! Especially the kind who gets off intimidating and threatening a bunch of underage kids, who I assume you have a restraining order against anyway! So why dont you let your performance speak for itself, so kindly so us all a favor, and shut the fuck up!?.”  I cheered as Kevin absolutely smoked these guys.

“heh, whatever you say big brother. Fellas just drop it, these pansies ain't worth their salt. They are all talk, the second they hit the stage, they’ll cave, and wet their little panties, just you wait” He muttered to his buddies right there, as if we couldn't hear. Then they kept whispering and mumbling in defeat amongst themselves, as their regular backstage chatter resumed. But we could still hear every word of their bitter gossip, and I think they knew it too.

“Yeah, for a couple of white boys they're sure harboring a lot of hatred for their country, what’s wrong with you” One of his freinds said

“Yeah Trent is that you? didnt reconize you under all the makeup? You shoudlnt have come back here after last year, you lost fair and square, besides an Indian like you never gonna make it in this business, you might as well taking advantage of your friends here ”

“Hey thats enough” Kevin said

“Yeah…He didn't even say shit the whole damn time, or stand up for his little loud mouthed white buddies. Not surprised, his kind aren't known for being Loyal folk” His Guitarist said, looking even more of a redneck then his ring leader.

“Yeah, his kind can't be trusted. But I gotta bet he’s too dumb to know what we are saying anyways..just like he was too dumb, to know he was being Cheated by his band, and by that Pretty boy Rubin Smith who win’s this here competition every year, before loosing his shit in front of the whole committee, and embarrassing the good community of trenton in the process, you are a discrase!” The Lost cause drummer said, glaring at Trent from across the room

“See this is why I’ve always said, they was always better off as slaves…”

Trent stood up seemingly just as pissed off as the rest of us, but with the most skin in the game. Decided in that moment he didnt wanna take it anymore and took a swing at the back of the guy's head, when his head was turned. He hit him so hard, he knocked off his Confederate bandana. The massive mountain of a man collapsed on the floor at Trents feet, before anyone else backstage could even look up from their coke snorting station to realize what was going on. 

Trent drew blood. I Remember Trent was also 6ft, just as massive as this guy, plus younger and stronger, so he had an advantage, and packed a lethal punch. 

As long as Iv e known him Trent’s always been too smart to get involved in dumb shit like this. He’s always been above it all, but this time was different. I always forget there's so much we don't know about Tent, that's why I found him so attractive at first, his mistake, his weathered, worldly attitude, experince, gduince towards me as a rock star even if I didnt and couldnt take it in the end even if he kenw too much, he always spoke his minds and sometimes with his fists and even though he was always such a downer, he had reasons to be. Even though we never really saw eye to eye, in that momemt I rememebred why I respected Trent so much, even tho he was a metal head, he was teh most punk rock guy I knew. 

“Yeah Trent fuck that Raist pig up!  Tear it all down” I snorted a line of coke from the guys table, before he got extreemly passivly anoyed

“Hey man, asking is better you know” Drugs…I knew with rubin, would need to get used to them, all opart of the rock n roll, lifestyle…started to feel a rush. 

“Trent you, you good…man”

Trent’s face was stone-cold, he was the angelic angel Uriel, but as ominous, and deadly as the grim reaper. He was blank, expressionless and knelt down beside the fallen lord of darkness, Racist Satan himself. Trent held him up by his hair, getting blood all over the floor, as a show of dominance he didn't hurt him any further, he didn't need to. He simply maintained total control over him, over everyone in the room. He held up his bleeding skull mercilessly as he twitched and screamed, with his head and life in his hands, Trent simply pinched his ear, holding it up by one of his weak cartilage pierced. And just as the pricing was about to tear his flesh, Trent simply whispered in his ear, all that needed to be said.

He snarled, spitting in his eye as everyone stared. He just groaned and cried out in pain on the floor under Trent’s boot, like the little bitch he was.

If there's one thing in this world I hate besides Sell outs, school, Boy Gorge, and being a chronic failure…it’s racists, especially the ones who decide to mess with my band. Well you fuck around and find out right? I guess he found out the hard way.

“Ahhhhhhhhh, please, I surrender!” the man cried out in blood curdling agony.  

“No, you don't get to surrender, and you don't get a medal for loosing, or a fucking statue in the town squere. You don't get to do anything, trust me you’ve already done more than enough” Trent kicked the dude's head in, stepping on his bald head, making more blood gush out causing him to grit his teeth. All his buddies were petrified; they just watched on in shock and fear, aso did the rest of the bands. But before long almost all of them started clapping and nodded at Trent. He’d earned their respect, like the weak killing the strong to prove his manhood in a prison yard. 

I realized then, they weren't gonna call 911, I saw him just whip out a suture and start to stitch up his own scalp, right then and there. Like, he just had that needle kit, on hand, for what, encase he was surprisingly abused by the union cavalierly. Damn, some people really do live in a James Dean western. 

Trent just walked past us, still brooding, with his long hair covering his eyes more than usual, so much so he just looked like one long black floating storm cloud. That or he looked like the dark spirit ready to kill the first born child of every household. Either way, now I was worried about him. 

Great, JUST GREAT? This is just about the last thing I need right now.

“Trent, what the hell was th-” Kevin asked, concerned, Trent just pushed him away, as he stomped out the back door to the fire escape. 

And Just like that, the lights dimmed, a loud voice came on over the intercom.

“Summit theater, who is ready to rock!?” Oh shit, the show was starting.

The whole theater erupted in thunderous applause, Jesus, that was a lot of people. Everyone backstage robotically dropped everything and looked up like bugs to a flame, then a more chipper female voice came over the intercom. 

“Welcome back, Trenton, to the Summit’s 40th annual battle of the bands!” Which was followed by an even louder ovation, this one was defining, damn, we were closer to the stage than I thought, we could hear lice if it jumped out of the frontmen’s mental-hair. Kevin looked nervous, rubbing his neck and tapping his foot nervously, as he kept a tight grasp on Lenny’s chair, trying to keep him and Beans from getting into any more trouble. 

“First to the main stage, we have a real treat for y'all tonight. You know me, you love me, keep your girlfriends far, far, away from me, ha! Introducing, The bastard sons of Hoboken, the hellraisers of Houston, the biggest thing to hit rock since the pilgrims, give it up for Mordor!!” Naturally, the crowd went wild again, everyone went back to normal, preparing their sets and hair for when for they were summoned to the stage, I saw one of the many interchangeable heavy metal bands at the front of the room leave to the stage, that must've been Mordor, (real creative I know.) We watched in dread as they danced out the door onto the stage and greeted all the exploding crowd, with energy that surely would be gone when it was our turn. Kevin turned to me, and elbowed me in the rib, hard.

“Dude, what are you doing just standing around, go after him.”

“After who, Trent? What? no way, you do it, he’s your friend.”

“Well he’s our bassist, and I can't, I gotta hold down the fort, and make sure tom and Jerry over here don't start anymore surprise brawls”

“Hey! He started it!” Lenny shouted from his “time out” chair, Kavin slapped him on the cheek

“Shut up, Lenny, the adults are talking.” Lenny just grumbled and slumped into his chair, as Beans and him immediately started playing eye spy with all the drugs in the room.

“Ugh, fine! Where do you think he went?”

“I donno, his old band played here a few times, so he knows the layout, um, start with the fire escapes, he couldn't have gone far.”

“But what do you want me to say, man? I gotta bring him back but he seemed really pissed, and I don't want to make it worse.”

“Man, I donno, I've never seen him like this before, he's always so quiet in study hall. Look no one really knows his background, or his home life just that his dad sleeps all day and doesn't take care of him or Lupus. Clearly that racist jerkwad struck a nerve, just, talk to him, and make sure he’s ok. When the time comes, you’ll know what to do, just like you always do.”

“Alright man, but like let's be real…this is Trent we're talking about, what if he doesn't listen to me, or sucker punches me off the balcony, smack dab into heavy traffic? He…you know, when he gets like this…needs his alone time,?”

“Man, we need him here, we're a band we can't have members starting fights and running off god knows where, for how long. We can split up, were all in this together, or none of us are.”

“I just…maybe you’d know better what to say to him, at such a trying time…since, I really wouldn't know what to tell him?”

 “Man, it doesn't matter what you tell him, as long as you bring him back. And hurry, we can't have the Roadies disqualify us when they find out Trent cracked a rival band member's skull open, a past champion no less! Go, hurry!”

“Ok, I’ll be right back”

“Lester Hurry, the Battle’s starting!”

“Ok, I’m hurrying!” I wizzed halfway out the backdoor after Trent

“and Lester?”

“Hmm?”

“Try not to Draw so much attention to yourself?” He whispered.

“Roger that, covert mission established. Wait, why are we whispering?” I whispered, holding the door. Kevin just bowed his head and chuckled 

“just go” I nodded and slipped through the door, away from him. Ok, find Trent he couldn't have gone far. I ran up the back star cast that did not lead to the stage, navigating the skeleton of the Summit. I could hear the first band starting playing their set in the background.(Jeesh, they were a little rough on the vocals. Next time don't forget to drink water before attempting those mental growls) I ran up three floors, for a few minutes looking all around and under every rotten industrial staircase, behind every door, for him. I had to get creative, since I wasn't able to call Trent’s name without disrupting the show.

But before long, I found Trent where Kevin said he’d be, having a smoke on the third floor fire escape. I quietly approached him, but before I’d even stepped out into the open air, he clocked me, standing behind his back.

“Go away, Lester.”

“Woah, man, how did you even know I was here?” I said, coming around next to him, joining him leaning over the metal fire escape railing. We paused to take in the midocere view.

“Let's just say, once you start looking over your shoulder, you never stop. ”

“Wow. Yeah, not quite sure what your talking about dude, but-”

“Ugh! Please, You know exactly what I'm talking about, Mr. Paranoid”

“Ha, ha ok. Look, Kevin sent me up here to… make sure you're ok.”

“Of course he did”

“Well are you?”

“Fuck no. There, now you can tell Kevin that, problem solved. Now fuck off. Jesus Kevin’s turning into a real Narc, he can't even come up here to bother me himself.”

“well, what was he supposed to do with you just running off like that!? Someone had to stay and watch Lenny, someone had to be the reasonable one, lord knows it wouldn't be us!?” 

“Speak for yourself.”

“Well what happened down there, why’d you run away man?”

“It’s what I do best. Here:'' He offered me a cigarette, which I soberly accepted. Noticing his face was far more shaken, vulnerable and defeated than usual. He always had a blank mask, only ever showing the world a fraction, or a fraction of a microgram of his true self, only ever sarcastic, angry, and stoke, but now…the mask was slipping. But, I grew so attached to his meritorious side, to my idea of him. So now, I don't know if I want to see what's behind the mask, I honestly couldn't take any more disappointment today. But something told me he was about to show me anyway, whether I liked it or not.

“Hey man, Kevin’s just worried about you…you just sockped a dude, knocked him out cold! Now…personally, I think your a total badass, that racist buffoon totally deserved it, but…you seemed pretty upset-”

“How Observant” He said, sarcastically  

“Well you know Kevin’s like an empath or whatever, so the second that red neck hit the ground, he could tell, you know…that something was wrong. I should at least ask-like for real this time, are you sure you're ok?”

“Ok? I'm never ok, man, when have any of us ever been ok? Honestly, name a time, I bet you can't?” 

“I dunno man, all those nights we played together…all those nights of us just rocking till dawn, drinking and fighting and planning our futures. I was ok those nights man, hell, I was more then ok, I was so fucking happy, man, those were the best nights of my life. I was hoping tonight would be one of those nights.” Trent took a pause, and sighed, looking at me with a hollow expression, like he was holding back tears along with a lifetime of emotion. He and I just had a brief moment of tranquil chillness,taking in the foggy Trenton “skyline.” Then Trent turned to me, gently placing his ringed hand on my shoulder. He looked at me with the widest puppy dog eyes I've ever seen, especially from him. I think in that moment, I could see him finally come to grips with the big picture, all in his teary green eyes. I always loved getting lost in his eyes, for old times sake.

“I’m sorry man, I was a real prick back there. I'm not violent like that, It’s just that guy, he…I know that guy, we have history, alright? Thats all you guys need to know, but he loves to fuck with me, but I swear I’ll never do it again, man. I’ made a fool out of myself back there, I just don't care sometimes about any of it, but I do care about this man, and i'm sorry. Ugh! I already messed the whole thing up for you guys didn't I, like always. Jsuss fuck, this is just perfect!”

“What!  Nah, man, you didn't mess shit up, the nights only just begun! besides, that asshole, had it coming, if anything he deserved a lot worse than just good blow to the head…not like he was using it for much anyway. I'm just here because Kevin’s hoping that some Techie isn't gonna find out and disqualify our ass before we even get to rock their shirts off? Ya catch my drift?”

“Yeah…you can Tell your brother to cool his jets, though is concern is highly original and much appreciated, most guys would have just ratted on me.  You know man, every year I come to these things and there's some backstage brawl, usually involving hookers cocaine, and undercover dirty cops, and thats on a good night. and let me tell you something, not once in all that time have they ever giving anyone the boot, they’d have to call the damn cops first. Trust me, I don't even think disqualification is a thing, their too desperate to keep the reputation of the battle clean, otherwise their funding goes. 

“Right well that's comforting, so were good then!  phew, Kevin will be happy to hear, that it’s all hunky dory on that front. God knows we already have enough to worry about” 

“We have nothing to worry about, man. plus their not gonna listen to those bastard anyway. I didn't wanna say this but, Lost Cause and I have history see their have a history of causing trouble. Couple years back, they tried to start shit with me and my band, by start shit I mean, full blown hate crimes man. It was very un rock n roll. And they pulled the same shit with a ton of bands, especially the one with Members that happen to not be white. let's just say even if I murdered the guy, with their track record, you’d still be hard pressed to Find an organizer who’d take them seriously. Of all the things you’d want your bands of the bands to be associated with, Hate crimes is not one them.” 

“Wow, man…what hate crimes?”

‘None of your business, that's what. all you need to know is after that, our band broke up, they all moved back to the rez, and we haven't talked since. So yeah we got bad blood, but he brings in the big bucks to the summit, so dealing with his bullshit is just part of their itinerary now. Why do you think they got double the guards backstage?”

“Woah. Yeah, that explains a lot guess i'm just surprised…guys like that would even be here. Like you’d think they’d be more involved in KKK rallies then rock bands.” 

“Yeah, well this is a different world, man. Were still just tourists”

“Still? Well, tonight, we finally got our passports. What do you say, you come back downstairs, and you can tell Kevin everything you told me, or just some of it whatever ya want. Then we can hug it out, have a couple of bruskies and get in one last Classic Kev’ talk, wayda say?” Trent paused for a second, that stretched to minutes. Come on dont leave me waiting, Trenite boy, the silence was deafening. 

“Come on, don't keep Kevin waiting, he’s worried sick!” I said, sarcastically, trying to guilt him to the hury the fuck up and come downstairs.

Trent just smiled for the first time ever, and tossed his cig butt off the railing.

“Pfft. Mama’s worried sick is she?”

“Yeah man, Kev’ probably thought you were beating all their biker gang buddies to a pulp, or jumping off the fire escape. Best is he really sent me up here to talk you off the edge.”

“Yeah well, sounds like Kevin, if he has one more thing on his plate I'm convinced he’ll have a big fat stroke on the spot, the man is a workhorse I swear to god. Man I don't know how he does it, I could never pretend to care so well.”

“Yeah, man, you know my brother, he always ends up manning a sinking ship. It's no, big, he just needs to know you're ok.” 

“HA! What, the man needs a vacation. Vicodin wouldn't hurt either”

“Heh, yeah, well let's get you downstairs, so we can tell him you were just on a smoke break. Just, blowing off some steam…no pun intended”

“Fine, you win. Come on, Let's see who Lenny decided to flash this time.” He held the shitty industrial door for me like a gentleman. 

“Why thank you. You know, you're such a gentleman when you want to be” I waltzed through it, looking flirty and paying coy. A massive gust of wind blew from the east, blowing us both inside, tripping and stumbling onto the main platform. As Trent slammed the door behind us with a thud, rolling his eyes into his brain as I kept blushing. Just trying to mess with him at this point, anything to get him back stairs as soon as possible, so this night can maintain the last shred of hope of ever going according to plan. Just as long as something was still in my control, for the rest of the night, no more drama, no more distractions. We had to take all those years of advice to heart, and keep our heads in the game for just one more hour, without everything erupting hot shit right in our faces. We can do this, just get Trent downstairs, then no more distractions. Were beating rubin tonight. Thinking of him I just kept blushing, but Trent thought I was still blushing at him, oh boy, here we go.

“Ugh! Don't push it, wastoid” And just like that, Trent was back. Before I even had a chance to get in another quip edgewise, he ran down the stairs at light speed with his daddy's long legs, he was already halfway down the stairwell before I could regain my balance. Why was he suddenly in such a rush?!

“Just don't get your pretty fingers caught in the door on the way out, you need those to play bass, man, if you still remember how!?” Trent looked up from halfway down the stairs at me leaning over the balcony like a clumsy Juliet, cleavage on full display. Trent smirked up at me, letting his voice echo. 

“Pfft, don't you worry about my fingers, Mickey finger-ing my ear holes all night long! Ha, come on, don't wait up.” and just like that he disappeared. I chased him down the endless winding staircase that hopefully still led to the backstage area. I bolted after him down the endless stairs, obviously being slower on my feet, and heart rate than him, so I quickly fell behind. 

“I'm coming! Slow down jackass! Hey, I didn't have to drag my ass all the way up here you know, Kevin should’ve just let you smoke your guilt away all night! Hey wait up!” I kept running, realizing that the Summit was more confusing than I thought, it was like a maze back here, so many twists and turns, no elevador, signs or fire escapes anywhere to be found, (Trent had seemingly found the only one? That is a lot of things, up to code is not one of them.) Mordor just warped their bloated set, and I couldn't even hear the next band start playing, the acoustics back here were totally bogus. I started to wonder if i'd’ been running in circles taking the same staircase over and over again, is this even the way I came? Was I seriously lost in the Summit Staircase, how is that even possible. You know what Fuck you Trent! I wanted to scream, but I couldn't afford to botch my perfect voice, so I just slammed my head against one of the many dead end doors. Trent I can't believe I loved you man, if that racist dude picks a fight with Lenny or sucker punches you back, or god forbid, win I won't even feel bad for your ass! I always think your cool, until you use me then leave me behind like dirt, just like everyone else always does! 

“Trent!!!?? Did you seriously ditch me up here!?''Ugh, How could you, man. after I wasted more than half of my head bang-cardio to lug myself all the way to the one fire escape! I made the whole journey just to retrieve you and make sure for Kevins sake you were not having a panic attack or getting us all arrested!? Most guys wouldn't do that man, most guys wouldn't give a single shit! But not us, man, and look where that's gotten us! Ugh, Trent I hope when you ditch this band to give people shitty tattoos, like you said yourself would be where we could find you in ten years! I hope you suck professional ass and get a million lawsuits a second from rightfully pissed off customers whom you branded with malformed tramp stamps and Wildy misspelled names of ex girlfriends!!! TRENT I USED TO WORSHIP YOU, I USED TO LOVE YOU, AND WANT TO BE YOU! BUT NOW I KNOW YOU REPRESENT EVERYTHING THAT IS FUCKED IN THIS WORLD AND I HATE YOU FOR IT, AND EVERY HEARTBREAKER, AND TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL-ASSHOLE LIKE YOU!!!!!! 

Ok, just stay calm dude, let's not get hysterical. Trent I know there's still a 99% chance your a wizard, so if can read my thoughts, you have to know, i'm sorry…I didn't mean all that, well, most of it. Ok, just breathe, stay focused i'm not lost, I just came up this way. Just retrace your steps, follow the north star. 

Damn it. This was not how this night was supposed to go. I was just dying to Rock, to play our set to wow the audince, shock them with the lever, and seduce them with our lyrics. To finally be good at something, that we worked really hard for, and maybe actually win, god forbid, just once! That's all I wanted, that's all I ever wanted. But it was getting harder and harder to hold on with everything kept bursting at the seams all around me. But just when I thought, things couldn't get any worse, I saw him. Rubin, there he was, leaning against the wall under the third stairwell, hiding under it like he knew I’d find him.

We locked eyes as I approached him, standing there cool as ever. It was as if we were to pick up right where we left off, lunging to attack each other, or make love. Either way, I knew he’d have some choice words to say right before our set, as the minutes ticked away until our debut. 

“Lester…thought I wouldn't see your ass until after the show.”

“Well, I thought you would never emerge from your private dressing room, expect to play your dog-shit set of course…”

“Heh, welcome to battle of the bands. It tends to do crazy things to people, especially the hour before a performance, they call it the “the shitty-60”especially a first romance. So, how is it so far.”

“Just…incredible man. Yeah things have been basically perfect in fact, nothings gone wrong at all, we're all set, you know prepared, locked and loaded. so far we’ve just been, you know… just been enjoying the scenery.” I said, so full of shit I wasn't even buying anymore, and it was showing. Rubin smirked.

“Yeah? Well, then what are you doing on the stairwell, shouldn't you be with your band, practicing? I heard you guys the other day and you could definitely use it”

“Um up yours man. We don't need any more practice time, besides you cant even do that shit backstage now, for your information we've been partying seven days week, while you’ve been busy scamming my brother!?”

“Hey, thought you were over that?”

“Well…how much as rolling veins practiced, why aren't you rehearsing Dirty hairy, it's a last minute addition isn't it? does not a professional like you, want to grease up the hinges on a song you haven't practiced as much. You know, so you don't leave your performance up to chance, when you, you know, destroy us. ”

“Yeah, I know you do, but we don't need that, but that’s so cute that you’d think we need extra redseal time though. but hey, when we play the song, I want you in the front row…you can really feel the vibrations you know, and look me in the eyes as I sing it.” He grabbed my belt and yanked me towards him with it. Why did Rubin have to make everything so sexual! Ugh, that's a rhetorical question…I had to get back to Kevin downstairs…..but I couldn't bear to see him win. 

“Did you write that song about me?”

“And what makes you think that?”

“Kevin said you told him it was about Heartbreak, and seduction. and that it was a “bonafide hit”?”

“Awww Lessie, you're not special. I have been with alot of people, and most of them were more interesting than you, and far more talented. But bold of you to assume that, because most rock songs are about Heartbreak and sex anyway-”

“yeah…Kevin also told me the song was a pandering mess, in an attempt to shallowly capotsize on rock and battle trends, to sway the judges.”

“Oh, look at you, using such big words. Kevin must be proud, yes that's true, also a ton of rock songs don't sing about their real lovers, vague metaphors or fictional composition of real love affairs fair far better.”

“You still haven't answered the question. I'm just curious man, because less than an hour ago, when I was sucking you off, you couldn't help but announce that you wrote a brand new song for the set and that it was about someone special. So i'm just curious why you’d write a big last minute show stopper, about someone you don't even care about. It’s just…not computing.” 

“Jeusus Lessie, your ego is incredible, it never seeing to consume me with unrelenting second hand embarrassment! Look, dude if you must know-”

“Yeah…I must!?”

“If you really think that song is about you, you’ll sure as hell find out when I play it tonight, and win the battle with it.”

“OH brother…”

Yet again, even in this chance encounter he’s walking all over me. I have the blackmail on him, I should have the upper hand in this, but still somehow he seemed to have total control over me. It was like our dynamic was frozen and no matter how much I hated him I'd always feel so powerless and inferior around him. It was going to be the death of me. 

"Patience is a virtue lessie.”

“Yeah you can say that again…except that patience is just another word for giving up, staying helpless whale everything goes to hell! Never taking control, staying submissive, giving yourself up to the bullshit and apathy paluege, making love to your own indifference and detachment, waiting for the world to end. that's what patience really is.”

“Wow, I see you learned a thing or two from my personal philosophy, glad your finally losing all that “hopeful dreamer” crap”

“Yeah well, your like…a guinness and stuff soo, you were right.” I don't know how much more sucking up to him I could take, his ego was so big I feared it would consume us both. I needed to get back to Kevin, but I also was trapped in his trance. Some part of my sick curiosity would never be satisfied, until I ask him some burning questions, before monday when I destroy his life forever. 

“Hey, Lessie I jsut have to say, you were fanatsitic today.” He said winking at me, and playing with my beltbuckle again. Making his classic “sudiuctive face” id’ stared into so many times now, it’s lost all impact.

“Wow, that's…such a relief man, I thought I’d been a lousy lay the whole time, really.” The sad thing is, I couldn't even tell if I was joking or not.

“Nah, really man, you've come a long way…I mean hell when this week started, you were an awkward, loud, pathetic virgin…but today you managed to graduate to a loud, pathetic slut! It’s truly a microlocs journey man, and I couldn't be more proud.”

“Gee thanks, you know…I wasn't so pathetic two hours ago when you were having 10 orgasmas at once, was I?”

“Hmmm, well you got me there, that was pretty hot. All the times when we were not in bed, that's when you were truly pathetic. But its funny, you know, I how you managed to acquire so much experience within merely a week, you know…since your pathetic n all and your only friend is your brother and your god awful band, I just…I just can't help but wonder how you did it?”

“So now you're admitting I have experience?”

“Well more than you did monday, when You climbed I was your first ever time, and then today you were like…in between arguing, and dominant experienced sexual deviant. I've been with alot of people man, and that dramatic a shift just doesn't happen. at least not without…something in between.”

“What are you implying…?”

“Well…I'm not dumb, come on you can tell me who else did you screw with this week, come on you can tell me, please I need to know everything, all the filthy details. We were just a one night stand, right? So it ain't cheating so common, don't hold back, Any groupies from your local shows, church girls, Roxy Kevin’s girl, was it Lenny, your scrawny blonde drummer, was it anyone we know? Come on, man spill the beans!”

“Ewww, man. Sut up, your so out of line, I didnt sleep with anyone but you, why would I lie about that, Besides who the fuck would I even slip with in this busted town, besides you? I really didn't man, you were the only one, I swear!”

“Oh really….because judging by today, it was..pretty obvious, you had a full house, long before and after I moved in with some…rather messy tenants”

“Ok! you know what, first of all. Ew. Second of all, you know you can jerk off and loads of other stuff without anyone around for miles, you don't need another person to look like you've been screwing, get with the times, and third of all…HOW IS THIS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS, AT ALL?? LIKE…ARE YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN ONE OF THOSE CHURCH-PERVS WHO “ONLY FUCKS VERGINS!?? Like who cares man, jeez. I swear some things in this world, gotta stay sacred.”

“Ok…I just had some reason to believe you were lying. Not that it matters, you know, if anything it was way, way, better. But…I still have reason to be suspicious, my drummer, you met him…my messenger…he passed you my note yesterday. Yeah he says he saw you in the boys bathroom with…a few different boys on the football team, do you know anything about that-or-”

Oh shit, he knows. he knows about the love list. Fuck, I knew this would happen evertnetually. Quick, think fast, you can't confess…he could use that against you. No he doesn't know about the list, his snitch drummer was just spying on me, instead of taking a shit like a normal person!? I…you know I really can't let him turn the blame on me, he’s the guilty one! No, I had to get back downstairs to Kevin, but before I did I needed to get the upper hand, though I’d settle for the last word. I thought of Kevin's breakdown last night, over Aids and College and scooty and how worried he was about it all. I forgot I promised him I’d get tested today, though I didn't really mean it, I don't know how I would even do that, or if i could. (for the record I don't have aids, duh, I just don't want to see my brother wig and lose his mind uncaracrylly and I'd do what I can to quell his fear even if it's all in his head.) But he was right maybe I should have asked them about it, at least once before throwing off the magic underwear. But now I knew what I must do, as sure fire way to turn the tables in my favor for good. I had to ask Rubin if he’d been tested, but I wouldn't let him go until he told me-

The truth.

“hey…speaking of sleeping around…since you, have slept with everyone and stuff, and as a pro you have loads of experience in the field, with both sexes as you so aply said-”

“yes and-”

“Well, I've been wondering for some time now, as such a worldy, seasoned rock star, surely you’ve read the news, and know about…you know, what's been going around. So, as someone who has transferred every sexual terrain, such as yourself surely…has been tested for Aids by now, havent you…?”

“What? Aids? Hell naw, what are you fucking stupid. That shit kills you. Do I look dead to you?”

“yeah but…you know, that's even more reason to get tested. So, have you or not man?”

“No…, that shit is expensive, and ain't driving three hours just for a flu shot! Besides, that shit is for like, homles, gold star-dico fags, and hookers in the east village, man that aint me, i aint into all that, you kidding? Why do you wanna know so bad, anyway?” Wow…what did I ever see in this guy?

“Man, why are you being such a bitch about this!?”

“Exuse me? Are you calling me a Faggot…Faggot?” He said suddenly goes Nuclear, his eyes turning dark. 

“But…you said it yourself you sleep around all the time, for years with everyone…don't you think you should get tested, to make sure you're not accidentally murdering half of new jersey with your dick. I mean this shit has been going around for like seven years now-”

“No it hasn't man!”

“yes it has, the government just doesn't want you to know about it!”

“That's bullshit man”

'`What happened to being paranoid at all costs?’

“Look…where is this coming from man, did Kevin put you up to this?”

“Yeah, as a matter of fact he did, man, he asked me about it last night, he has a bonafide mental breakdown over the whole thing man, I'd never seen him so disgraunt. You gotta get tested and tell me the results, if not for me, do it for him!”

“What, shut the fuck up man, I aint doin shit. I dont give a rats ass about your entitled brother or you, how many times I gotta tell ya. Look, it's clear you both have no use to me anymore, the sex was great and the tutoring was better, but now, you got nothing left to give, so I’ll be on my way. So please kindly Fuck off” He said, starting to walk away, but I couldnt take it, so I grabbed his arm, as he looked at me shocked, then mad, then turned on.

“You're not going anywhere until you agree to get tested.”

“Fuck off, man! You are out of line. You know they aint even got a cure, so what’s the point. Beside those bs. flu shots don't even work, their all a scam.”

“It's not a flu shot man! AIDS TESTING ISN'T A SCAM, it's the only way to know if your positive. Look Kevin told me he knows a discreet clinic in Atlantic city, just three miles north. you don't have to use your real name, they take one small blood sample then get the test results back to in less then two weeks! If you come, ’ll get tested with you, and then you won't have to live in fear and worry your infecting people…you could tell any of your past patenter t-”

“fuck no man, nice offer but that shit is a scam, its not real. Just like all this government healthcare conspiracy shit, you really are still alive. if they government apparently was lying to the public about aids, then what's stopping them from lying on test results, hm? I ain't gonna waste my time on this bullshit hack medicine the government pedals as “the only cure” in a system where healthcare makes it so dying is cheaper than staying alive. Just because Kevin brainwashed you into thinking it, you should know by now, doesn't mean it's true. What else has he put you up, to? What does he want me to get another polsion shot, Chemo or Benzedrine, or does he want us to get yet another false, infective injection like epidurals, insulin or the vaccine!?”

“The vaccine!?  You don't think the vaccine is real? Man, what kind of shit are you'll smoking in that private room!? I mean…”

“Man, when the government poisons you with bubonic plague at your with your flu shot, don't come crying to me.”

“But seriously man, please get tested, I mean what if you already spread it, and killed people man, what if you had it all this time and gave it to every conquest you brag about, what if you gave it to me, man? you know it's illegal to run around spreading aids, if you know you have it-its 1st degree murder”

“Ok, Legal aid, well that doesn't matter because I don't know shit, so stop pestering me and get lost, so I can enjoy me smoke in peace before I smoke your ass.”

"That's just shitty man, what if I tell your record label, tell Harvard that you're doing this, what will ya do then huh?”

“I’ll kill you. Right then and there, that's what will happen.”

“Man, you're so full of shit. You don't have a murder dongon, your blind threats don't work on me! you can't just refuse to get tested!?

“I believe I just did. By the way, I forgot to tell you because I was so busy, getting busy...heh, I saw your favorite band, you know the one you stalk relentlessly and obsess over to all the time, the chili peppers, yeah theri tour is coming to atlantic city, tomorrow, I don't know if you heard…”

“Actually, we're going tomorrow…Kevin bought us tickets.”

“Oh that's dope, man, I thought they were sold out. You know for all his bs, he's such a good brother, lucky bastard.--I wish my brother was as generous as him. I hope you guys have fun, don't OD”

“yeahhh, ha, thanks man”

“But no, what I meant was like…I heard their hiring roadies, and shit. For the rest of their nationwide tour, it ends when the summer does. I just thought, you might be into that.”

“Oh shit, thanks man that's actually…surprisingly thoughtful of you, but no, as much as I love the chilies, I'm most comfortable on the stage, not behind it. Im a band man at heart, and you know, I gotta focus on that right now.”

“ I used to be a roadie.”

“You did?”

“Yeha man, that shit is life changing, it's priceless experience, wouldn't trade it for the world.”

“Who will?”

“Kansas.”

“No way!?”

“Yeah man, they were tumblr though, totally outrageous. Sure, they mostly just played Carry on my Wayward Son on repeat, but that's what made it so unique. BUt the parties backstage man, pfft, forget about it. I tell you, I'm a better frontman now, because of it. But you know the truth is, I like kansas fine enough, but It’s especially life changing when you tour with a band, you really love.”

“Wow…well, I’ll think about it.”

“Well you have till tuesday, that's when they ride out. Even when you're already the best, It’s nice to have a backup plan you know.”

“Yeah….I guess it is.” Wow, now I couldn't even tell if he was being genuine or not. I shouldn't let my guard down, there was no reason, he wasn't even hitting on me anymore. I knew he was a master muplatiator, but I liked that he being so nice now, and knew exactly what I needed to hear. I was tired of fighting so i'm glad he decided to end thing on a ernest, if bittersweet note. (Even if he was even more of an asshole then before, for not getting tested) 

And of course Just as I thought he had changed his tune, I peeled myself off the wall, heading for the stairs, and he opened his big mouth again.

“Yeah, for guys like you, backup plans can be the difference between life and death. But Man, it’s still a massive bummer.” 

“What is.”

“Watching so many people waste their whole lives doing something they love, that they suck balls at. It’s such a tragedy, they think that one day they’ll get it, the American dream will come through for them, and they’ll finally succeed, when they never had a chance in the first place. It chokes me up every time.”

“Man, you can drop the flimsy metaphors, I know your talking about me”

“Yeah…but…I'm just being honest, you're not cut out for this lifestyle man. You're not special, everyone wants to be a rock star these days, and everyone thinks they have talent, and have something worthwhile to say. And let me tell you right now, it's not worth it. Why dont ya something else….like…I donno turning tricks, or….being a roadie, fuck yeah how does that sound?”

“What's your angle man?” I said. Rubin had a emotional life to my neck, and he knew just how to twist it…and bust my carotid artery. But I had already humiliated myself for five

lifetimes, for the life of me, I couldn't cry in front of him now

“My angel? I'm just looking out for you. I can save you a lifetime of dispose tmnet right now, if you and your band just…pack up, and go home. You know you guys never stood a chance tonight, but hey, you cant say you didnt try, and thats more then most fuckers can say.”

“What…are you about to bribe me? News flash rubin, your little intimidation tactics…i've seen em all before, you're just jealous, and this is your last ditch effort to scare away the competition. Well, give it up man, we aren't going anywhere, and when we beat you tonight, it’s gonna feel twice as good. So why don't you just piss off, and tell it to someone who cares!” 

“Man, you are relentless. You don't believe me, that's fine. But I've been in  this business a long time, and I've seen guys like you chewed up and spit out every day. Who couldn't play for shit, who couldn't hack it, or who let it all get to his head, the drugs and booze got to him before he had his first single. This world is not just fun and games man, it’s not just an adventure for petty spite or ego stroking, it is vivous, and fucked up man, it will deveour you and shit you out a broken man. Trust me i've seen it, guys just like you who started out with big dreams, wanting to prove everyone wrong, and ending up 6ft under with a shitty radio hit from 79’ about cherry pie as their only claim to fame. You are so much less charismatic, and talented than those guys, I could only imagine what they’ll do to you, and trust me, it won't be pretty. It would just be such a pity to see it happen all over again, so why don't you spare us the cautionary tale, and just cut your losses, right here and now.” 

“I can't man. I’m not gonna be like those guys. And what the fuck are you talking about man, do what else? I can do nothing else, rock is in my blood it’s my divine calling, my destiny! Ok? Do you have a divine calling, no, I didn't think so? Like, what would you have me do, huh ‘turn tricks’ no rock n roll is it for me, and you can eat my shorts, because i'm damn good at it too. Ha, like come on, what the fuck else could I do, man?”

“I donno, but isn't that the beauty of backup plans?”

“What's your backup plan man? Where the hell are you gonna go if Rolling Veins doesn't work out, huh?”

“the morgue.”

“holy shit.”

“But yeah, I saw your set list, and I've…heard you guys rehearse…along with the rest of Ewing.”

“-wiat, when the hell did you ever hear us rehearse?”

“oh, I donno, every time Kevin would bring you to your place to study, I’d get a pretty good listen, and oh boy ... .where do I begin.” Kevin, no you did not.

“Kevin….h-ad you over to study? WHILE WE WERE REHEARSING?!”

“Yeah…you never noticed us, right in your kitchen? Wow you are slow-”

“You-I was right-YOU WERE SPYING ON US!??”

“pfft, that is a loaded question. Spying a bit of a harsh word, but yeah I got my fair share of private listening sessions, so…yeah now I know for a fact you guys suck.”

“I-I-” I was speechless, this was just all kind of screwed. So much for getting the upper hand. 

“You know, I’ve never understood what you see in the chili peppers, I always thought you’d be more of a Meatloaf guy.”

“I hate Meatloaf, that guy sucks.”

“Well I thought you’d dig him, afterall, you guys have a lot in common. But I gotta say man, even if you guys were talented, it isn't helped by the fact you are majorly bongous, dude. I mean i've heard you play almost all your lame ass tracks, but even out of that lot, why would you pick “Lady liberty of the night?” As your opener, thease jueges are all hard core patrnoits, they're a bunch of all american raganaites, and playing em a song about boning lady liberty is like -suside! But if you were a pro like me you’d know that already.”

“Ok genius, so let me get this straight, we have no talent, our set sucks, and you're such a pro you have zero chance of ever losing. well jesus man, why not tell us what else are we fucking up, since your clearly the abrtenr of all knowledge? I was starting to get a bit pissed, like who did this guy think he was? Only an hour ago he said he liked Bad Decisions music, now he’s full on attacking it. I mean does he think this is gonna make me second guess my own rock god prowess, and fully myself on stage in self doubt….pfft fat change. (Oh, if I only knew how wrong I was.)

“Well now that you asked Lester, yeah your set is ass, oh and the stage names…I mean…Mickey Finger and Rock Hardy...come on now, what are you guys, cowboy strippers selling corn nuts at the county fair? Now that is the opposite of rock  n roll, it's just plain tacky. Easiest way to not be taken seriously, is a goofy ass stage name. ”

“ok…then what’s your stage name, hot shot?”

“You will find out…when we get introduced, along with everyone else.”

“Whatever, man.”

 “BUt I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with…Fester” My ears pricked up, wait my name rhymes with Fester, was he…stealing my name for his stage name!? Oh NO I KNEW WHERE THIS WAS GOING, HE WAS GONNA KILL ME AND STEAL MY IDENTITY, OH NO, IT WAS ALL LEADING TO THIS!

Or it was all a misdirect and he just wanted to mess with my head even more. Maybe he didn't even have a stage name, man. I mean you’d think he’d have mentioned it to me by now, but maybe Kevin was, not everyone needs one.

Although, with a name like ‘Rubin smith’ I’d hope he chose a good one. 

“Ok man, thats all great but we dont need your adice, we practiced this shit and we dont need any last munite feedback man, if we did we would have fucking asked. Just so were clear, man, were not total amateurs, we played gigs all over the state for over a year, Frosty, remember him, the big shot manager at capitol records, is gonna be judging tonight. he’s my friend Lenny uncle and he even helped us Record! You remember we released Full Spread last summer, you might have heard it on the radio, hello?!”

“Sounds like classic Nepotism, doesnt get more mature than whining till daddy buys you a record deal.”

“You realize frosty, A REAL INDUSTRY PRO (unlike you) said were good, and not just because lenny is his nephew…he knows he used to suck on the keyboard, but in his professional opinion we kick ass, and are gonna make a surprise victory tonight…with or without his vote. Ok, so you can get off your high hose and stop acting like Axel Rose, and treating me like freshman bandcamp, alright?”

“Ah, but it doesn't matter anyway, right?  I mean, if I lose the battle, i'm still going to Harvard, and cutting a real record next month. But if you lose…well….it’s really over, isn't it. I mean look around, all your bandmates are graduating, going off to college, moving on with their lives, even your precious Kevin is leaving you. Lenny plus his little mute, surely will lose interest in you once the summer rolls around. Your band will fall apart, like it does every time, with life spans never surpassing a year, and zero success to show. And believe me, no one will want to join you if you try to start another band, not even the biggest freaks, too dumb to even read a time signature. Because now they know, what we’ve always know, that your nothing but a over confident, insufrible, fat, lonely, untalented, reidiculous, rock n roll-wannabe, annoying, dishonest, paranoid, childish, unsexy, unsuccessful, pathetic…failure…and that's all you'll ever be. The only way to ” 

 

Ok, now he made me cry. What the fuck was wrong with me, Rubin was more of an asshole then I thought, but he manged to yet again defy expecations and sucffucully gutted me. Leaving me a shell of a man.

I don't know why he felt the need to get so personal, or cut so deep. He seemingly just invaded my brain like a perssist, somehow knowing exactly what to say to break my heart even more. He repeated all of my insecurities and greatest weaknesses like shopping lists, he broke me down into a blubbering baby, and I’d never felt so helpless, and pathetic. I couldn't let him see me cry so I hid my eyes,but he just shoved my arm away.  He started touching my belt again, as he moved up close pushing me up against the wall, holding both my arms above my head. But this time it didnt feel sexy. It was insidious. I thought he was gonna throw me down the stairs, or beat me up like I'm sure he wanted too. But instead he just held me, our faces inches apart as he watched me cry, just smiling so deviously, as I started to sob. 

He just kept smiling, and giggling. The more I cried the more he enjoyed it. It was like he was getting off on it or something, the sick bastard. as I sniffled into obveine, snot running from my nose, my face turning pink, then blue as I cried out all the liquid in my body. I trembled with fear and agony, as tears just kept streaming down my face, as he leaned in and licked one of my tears. Then proceeding to kiss down my cheek, then my lips, still not letting me go, as I squirmed, until my body went lip. I was too scared and drained to fight back. He just kissed me harder, he kicked me and pushed me against the wall again, I could feel he was hard. But…it didn't feel like it did before, the sex in the air had evaporated, now he was just doing it for control. 

Until finally he let go, and threw me on the ground, I hit the granite floor with a thud. He then picked up my flabby mass and slammed me into the floor even harder, as if to remind me he was still in charge. He spit on me as I lay at his feet, he kicked me a struggled to look up at him, he kicked me so many times, and just started beating me into the ground. After he was done, some blood caking his hands, I still lay lifeless, shivering and whimpering, totally at his mercy. 

“Ha, shut up you love it, exactly how daddy likes it. Stop crying you little bitch, jesus, you aren't even worth the work out.” By this point he’d beaten me good, I was bleeding from my forehead, and had at least one black eye. By now I had a bloody nose, he bashed my chin in so it was bleeding onto my neck. I’d had worse, but damn he really did a number on me. I just looked up at him with tears filling my eyes so much I could barely see.

“Fuck you!” I slurred.

“Of course, this is what I get for trying to look out for you. All I was doing was trying to warn you, man! But you know what, fine! don't listen to me, see how far it gets you.”

“.....I did listen to you, and all I heard was bullshit. AND YOU KNOW WHAT MAN. I HAVE REALLY GOOD HEARING!” I whispered, struggling to stay conscientious. He leaned in even closer, as a shadow fell over his icy face, looking cold as ice.

“Pfft, alright man, go nuts, throw yourself to the wolves, I dont give a rat's ass, man, it’s your funeral. Just don't come crying to me when it all goes to hell” 

“i'll see you there!” I said. I've always wanted to go to hell, but I might reconsider if I have to see his stupid face again. 

He said nothing, smiling menacingly as usual. He knelt down beside me, as he rolled up my shirt to put out his cigarette on my belly. 

“I hope there's no traffic on the-”

“-Highway to hell-” I sang, horsey. Damn it, did he really just quote one of my favorite Ac Dc songs!? He was consistent i’d give him that, playing with my heart until the bitter end. He pressed the cigarette into my cut, burning me right below my belly button. I winced in pain. 

And just like that he simply… got up, and walked down the stairs. But not before turning around one last time, with the most evil, joker smile smeared across his face. Oh Rubin, why don't ya just kill me already.

“Hey tell your brother, I’ll write him-”

I struggled to sit up so I could look him in the eyes, as I kept moaning in grody despair. I was like a sailor bleeding out on the rocks, waiting to get devoured by walrus. I grit my teeth in seething pain, just waiting for his awnser. His pause for dramatic effect was killing me.

“Write him from where…”

“-Harvard.” He said, as he practically did a mancuhail cartoon villain laugh. He was just chewing the hell out of the scenery at this point, smiling and winking at me. Just like Kevin always does, and he used to do ...but now it just was the cherry on top, that wink shattered me like a poorly stored family vase. I face planted as he despaired down the stairs. I stared at my watch, twenty minutes till we went on. This was my lowest point, face down alone in a stairwell, totally defeated, totally done.

Wait, why the hell did I let Rubin do that to me, why didn't I fight back? Why did I just let him pummel me and spit his projected crippling doubt in my face like he was my conscience or something. Why, why did I put up with it…again.

Why didn't I stand up for myself, why couldn't I ignore his sex appeal, his so called e”industry experience”, and let him trash me and everything I love for the past twenty minutes non stop!? WHy….I don't get it. is it because on some level…I believe him, deep down I think he’s right about me, It just hurts to much to hear for the millionth time, and I’ve just refused to come to terms with it. 

Wow dude, That’s…just depressing. 

Hey buddy, hey, yeah you! are you still listening? come one man, give it to me straight. Come on man, you can be honest this is a safe space…just tell me, Is Rubin right, am I really just a failure who should quit while I'm ahead?

Actually you know what, don't awnser that.

You know what man, I even don't care if he was write or wrong, I don't want to believe him. YEAH WHAT WAS I THINKING, I'M AN INVINCIBLE ROCK GOD WHO WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO ONE THING, AND IT RHYMES WITH SOCK. ROCK N ROLL IS MY RELIGIONS, AND NO JERKWAD IS GONNA SHAKE MY FAITH THAT EASILY!!! I KNOW WHO I AM. I SHOULDN'T LISTEN TO HIM, HELL NO ONE SHOULD!!!! Rubin is a lowlife, heartbreaking, aids spreading, vaccine denying, test cheating, sell out, closet case-cocky, pompous wannabe, sell out, corporate, morally bankrupt, selfish, nihilistic, psychopathic, horrible in bed, violent, vindictive, heart breaking,-drug addict, mulituptive, evil super villain….BLONDE!????? worst exuse for a washed up rocker ive ever fucking met!??? Why…did I ever start vauling his opinion? Hm? You know…well I know why, it’s because he’s hot. Well who cares man, my hormones and pent up teenage boy-bullshit blinded me to his true nature, like so many disney princesses. But Kevin is right…yet again, the world is so very wide, and there are a billion other guys out there who are hotter than him, and who aren't massive dicks, (but hopefully still have them…)

I know I keep saying this, but now it was really gonna feel so much better after I blackmail him on monday. I cant wait till people find out about all the shit he put me through behind the scenes, twenty years from now, in some solicitous expose in the back pages of Playboy, or esquire. 

But, despite all that it still hurt, and yet again my confidence had gone limp. I was tempted to just go downstairs to see Kevin like I should have done 20 minutes ago, and get him to give me one of his classic pep talks to cheer me up.

But he was write, he can't give me pep talks forever. I needed to get through this one on my own. But it was more because I couldn't bear to show my face all teary and beat up like this, feeling this shitty, and helpless all over again, I just couldn't deal. I didn't want them to see my like this, I’m  the band leader, I have to be strong, and…lead, whatever that means. I have to pull myself together. They were probably out looking for me by now, I had to hurry. So I paced around, back n forth under the stairwell, doing all of Kevin's breathing techniques, reciting all of his affirming mantras.

“I am not a failure”

“I am not a failure”

“I am not a failure”

“I am not a failure”

None of it was working. I was so flustered and emasculated I just screamed, so loud knowing, (preying) the bands downstairs couldn't hear me, since the stairwell was soundproofed. I screamed so loud, nearly destroying my voice…you know that thing I need to sing, in thirty minutes on stage. So I just bit my lip, so hard it bled alone with every other orphis in my face, and I kicked the wall so hard paint began to chip on the wall above. But then I went too far, and kicked so hard my boot flew off, and I stubbed my toe, ripping off one of my ingrown tonsils.

“Youch!!!” I screeched hopping around on one foot like a lunatic. 

I had so much pent up rage, and I just wanted to smash something. I pray it ended up being my getair, and not Rubins empty skull. I thought tonight would be different, man I’d built it up so much in my head for so long, but of course like everything else, it wasn't quite so rock n roll in practice. 

He talked about stuff that I didn't think anyone knew about me, yet he knew, because he knew it would break me, because that's what he wants. Me to soccob to his mind torture and give up so he can steal the crown. I’ll never give in, i’ll never be bullied off the stage like that ever again, he’ll have to kill me first. I know rubin isn't worth listening too, but it still hurt, I'm not gonna lie, it hurt alot. Now I have a thick skin, man, I can take a hit, but…this time it just hit different, I mean, I’ve been hearing that same shit all my life, and I'm just tired of it. I don't want to have to listen to that shit ever again. I'm so tired, so,so tired, of him telling me that i'm a failure, treating me like I left my person card at home, like i'm not worthy of the title of human being, not even eligible for it. Rubin, and everyone else in my life always treats me like the personification of everything they hate about the world. like I'm not even worth talking about unless its to insult, I'm not even worth seeing unless its to glare at, i'm not worth having if its not to beat up, and not worth loving unless it’s to use me and break my heart. I cannot express just how sick and tired I am of being underestimated, and never getting the change to prove myself. I just…this was the last straw, Rubin, was going down. And i'm not talking about the blackmail. I gathered enough strength to get up, but I was still so wobbly I fell back on the wall for ballance. Smeared my head, and gagging at the blood dripping off my hand, so I wiped it on pants. I then noticed the sleeve of my leather jacket…it was torn….Rubin really just ruined Kevin’s Leather jacket. Oh hell no, this would not stand! 

You know this was the first time, I couldn't cope with something just by turning it into a rock song. Besides, Rubin would probably sing it first, a song about what else but….seduction and heartbreak. The judges favorite…

I swear to god, this means war. For underestimating us tonight, not just Rubin but every a-hole whoever called me a failure is gonna taste the fist of sweet sweet karma, in the form of humblingly-epic rock n roll baby! Fuck yeah!!! I'm telling you, after tonight every one of them is gonna eat their words, choke on them, and not get CPR, because none will call 911 in time. Not literally…of course, but I had to overpower all this self doubt somehow. 

          Everytime I manage to take Kevin’s advice, and summon real conficinde Life throws another bulshit bomb in my face, another guy telling me I'm a failure. Everytime I get it in my head that I can fake it till I make it with Kevin’s magic confidence, I always get cut down by some other curveball reminding me that I’m worthless. Shoving the reality in

my face that im an amature at rock n roll,a joke, a looser, born to crash and burn. I just couldn't let Rubin get away with this, he can't win, that's not how this ends, people like him dont come out on top!? What kind of message would that be sending, people like him are so used to getting everything they want, but he can't win, not this time!

Not this time….

Suddenly a lightbulb hit me like his fist, and it all came together.

“that's it.” I whispered. 

Ok new plan, we got thirty minutes till we go on. Rubin and the judge frosty had heard our set a hundred times by now, so they have a frame of reference of what to expect tonight but…the adincince hasent it. That and Full spread that record we cut last summer, but we aren't performing any songs off there, and who am I kidding, no one out there’s heard it *anyway. (*or so I thought)

Soooooo, awnser me this, what do you do when you want to win a battle of the bands, with…the element of surprise on your side. You change your set and your stage name last minute, to appeal more to the current venue culture and audince climate. It's the perfect stunt to prove that even, in a split seconds notice, under immense pressure, discorgnataion, costume and tech dysfunctions and against all the odds your band can kick royal ass. It’s the ultimate test, the biggest brag, and it will be sure to leave Rubin, dad, the NJ public school system, and everyone who ever doubted us paying our debts, and placing our bets, and of course…shitting their pants.

…and I have just the song to do it. Something bold, something from our back catalog, something about heartbreak, seduction, something prodovictive about hell and hedonism. A song we haven't played in years, a song that's polarizing, brazzy, bold, risky and controversial…but only enough for the estrotirc judges to ednorse, and the evenagacal ones to tolerate. 

A song like…Satan's abortion. You know, the one we got kicked out of three churches, and defrocked six priests, just for playing. It’s perfect, I still remember the lyrics like yesterday, not to mention that nasty, unforgiving riff. 

As for a new stage name…I always knew Mickey Fingers was asinine, Kevin’s intentions were amazing but this was the rare occasion, where that simply isn't enough. But I know what name…is calling my name right now. Yep, I think it’s time to take Mack Lasher off the backburner. So I ran down the stairs, a man on a mission once again. Having failed the first with Rubin, but dead seat on achieving the second one. And tonight I’ll kick income amounts of ass, I’ll rise, when everyone least expects it. Shit, I gotta find Billy, to change our set and my name before we go on, I had to hurry, the clock was ticking. Hopefully they allow such last minute changes. But I wasn't worried, I mean it’s battle of the bands for gods sake…man, this place is diva central, it makes barbra streisand's dressing room look like an AA meeting. So I regained my straight, and bolted down the stairs looking for Billy, or whoever was closest with the clipboard. But I had to do it fast, before my band could find out, I didn't want to ruin the surprise. Oh shit…I can't wait to see the look on their faces when I tell them it’s gonna be a princess. 

Now, I know what your thinking. ‘Lester, this isn't a plan? Your just taking all of Rubin’s shitty advice, verbatim. I thought you said, he was a jerkwad, and no one should take his advice.’ Well, buddy…keep conversation there. And congrats… your right! But…though he was rude as hell about it, he was right about the fact this is our first battle of the bands, and we may have not been as well prepared as I thought. And were a young band, we have a lot of growing to do…sure it’s easy to ignore coming out of his big, herpes ridden  mouth but…his advice, now that i think about it, really wasn't half bad.

And the best way to stick it to him…is to actually take his advice, and use it to win the battle. Me actually listening to him, and taking what he said to heart, and using it to our greatest advantage, now that’s the last thing he’ll expect. 

And it will be a special kind of karma when we win, and he sees us holding that massive check up on that stage, as he cowers backstage fuming. I can't wait to see his face, when he finds out, not only did we win despite his desperate attempts to drive us away, but by using the tricks he gave us. 

The poetic justice is almost too juicy to be real! I’m giggling like a toddler who just discovered bubbles just thinking about it. Maybe tonight isn't a total bust afterall. Now, let's be clear, I'm not JUST doing this to spite Rubin. Obviously, sure that just happens to be a very compelling force behind it,  but don't get it twisted, I haven't forgotten what we came here for. 1 of rock n roll humility, never forget where you came from. it's all for our career, for all the years we worked, and to go out with the biggest bang since god farted out the universe, before graduation and rock everyone’s little fuzzy socks off tonight!

And you know, if taking Rubin's decent advice last minute–totally not to spite him, and because it kind of was good advice–is what it takes to get us there, then so be it. and just seeing his sorry face after we win as a little bonus.

And you know, yeah, maybe a little bit of spite thrown in there as well.

I finally made it to the ground floor, I busted into the lobby and found Billy. Stalking the halls, outside the dressing room. I came down just in time to hear The Lost Cause close out their final set…everyone cheered at the final belted note about America the brave or something terrible like that. And spotted me coming back into the dressing room, but barely noticed me as they were too busy drinking and celebrating their “Winning” set. With a brief second to spare in between sets, I belonged to Billy cornering him in a small backstage cordor, where the pulleys are for the curtains. I tapped on Billy’s shoulder, as he paced back and forth in a frenzy, yelling into his Sony microphone headset like he was being robbed. He whisked around, still getting and nervously tweaking out, he looked like he hadn't drank coffee, water or used the bathroom in over a decade. Well guess doing battle of the bands every year, like two presidential terms, by the end, you’ll be sure to have gray hair and an addiction to something.

“Lester?! What are you doing out here, you're on in half an hour?”

“Oh um…yeah, about that. We're changing our set list” He groaned like He’d heard this one before. stumbled adjusting his classes flipping through the set list.

“Well, it's a bit short notice for that now. I mean we’ve already gotten the amps queued up, and adjusted for time-” yeah, I thought he’d say this, but I had no time for it. I was a man on a mission now, heh, watch out Rubin, your next.

“That's fine, man, just change it. The first song-”

“I think you mean…only song, remember, Mr. Flatt, we're only doing one song per set now.”

“Wait, what? When did this happen?”

Kevin Aids freakout (cut scene) for charchter/historical accurcuy:

     What shouldve been my death, all before the bell rang. If I saw some guy do all I that, I wouldn't touch him with a 1,0000 ft pole, let alone see his band play or make tender love to him!”

“Who cares man, like honestly who gives a rat's ass. You dropped out man, before even expelled man, you had one foot out of that place since day one, you never gave a shit what any of those meatheads think, why start now? Face the music man, the school years over, we should be celebrating, man, you never have to see any of those jagoffs ever again! Besides, If it makes you feel any better, most of those apes on the football team laughing at you are too busy peaking in highschool, pretending to shower, not getting it up for their girlfriends, and being on the lovelist, to ever be in a position to judge.”

“Alright man, thanks. It was still gross though, I’ve never related more to the pigs in an animal farm in my life.”

“Wasn't it wonderful though”

“What? Swimming in shit!?”

“No, making love.”

“Good grief. I thought you didn't wanna know my “private business”

“Well yeah, but I'm your brother and I wanna know who’s good in bed and who’s not. I wanna know it all, every last scanpan detail.”

“Wow, ok. Ha, Why do you wanna know so bad Kev’?sounds pretty gay to me…”

“Just spill it”

“Um, well, all the jokes were lame and turned into little bicthes the second…um….you know”

“What? The second what?''Awkward moment, alert. I don't know if I just became a prude, but this is too weird. I cant talk about this stuff with my brother, that’s like shitting and fucking where you eat. I felt suddenly ashamed, the whole point of a secret hookup is that you never have to talk about it again.

“uhhhhhhhhh yeah, Kev’ this is weird, you're my brother, you don't wanna know this stuff anyway…”

“I actually do, not trying to be a perv I just wanna make sure you got good use out of the lovelist ?”

“Oh I did, don't you worry. I'm glowing, isn't that evidence enough?”

“Ha, how many names are left?”

“I actually finished it! Yep, went through every last guy on the list. So trust me, man, best birthday present I've ever gotten, Im sure your football buddies are overflowing with glowing reviews, so you don't need to know-”

“Yeah, but like…I know you've been running out of condoms in that lunchbox, you, uh, you've been using them right?”

“Kev! UGh!! That's just Grody, man! What if I asked you something like that about Roxy! hm?”

“Um you have les, many times, and like I tell you every time, she still hasn't put out.”

“Ha, maybe that's because all your prying personal questions, dried her out”

“But that's a different man! Ugh, Less We talk about everything, we can be open with each other. I need to know, Come on, man, just talk to me-”

“Kev” you know some things are better just left up to the imagination”

“Were you the one…uh ... .in the girls position?”

“KEVIN! UGH!! WHAT GIVES MAN!?, UGH YOU'RE STILL DRUNK OR SOMETHING, I'M GOING TO BED!-”I blushed so hard, I thought I would get a blood clot in my cheeks. Jesus, Kev way to ruin the mood. I'm usually the one who makes things weird, but I guess there's a first time for everything. Where was this even coming from?

“Lester, wait! I-I just wanna know if you're safe?”

“Safe? w-Wha- '' Kevin was literally going to murder me with embarrassment, why the hell did he think now was a good time for this talk?!!

“Like…I’m just making sure your—you don't contract anything?”

“Like mono??”

“No like…you know…”

“...STDS??, what? Most of the boys at our school don't even know how to spell abortion, you really think any of them have the clap? Most of these guys go to church in the morning and knock up their girlfriends at night. They never retain anything they’ve learned since the 3rd grade, do you really think this ever crosses their minds? Come on, man, where is this coming from? This is New Jersey, man, nobody talks about this shit” Kevin looked angry now.

“NO I MEAN LIKE AIDS!?” 

“Aids? What are you talking about man?”

“I think It’s time for a reality check. The world doesn't begin and end in New Jersey, ok. I read the papers, man. Aids has been spreading worldwide, with the death toll climbing every year. So, this isn't a joke like–”

“Wiat, is that what this is about?! You..YOu think I'm gonna get…AIDS? from one of these guys?? HA HA, WOW! Have you met the jokers on that list?! Most of them talk a big game about high body counts, and haven't even kissed a girl!  Most of them didn't even know what being gay was until we hooked up, ok? So I think it's safe to say your over reacting, wow I think all this Harvard prep finally put you over the edge-”

“Ok…but did you at least ask if they were positive? Like, before you…you know?”

“Um…no? Why would I man? A few of them freaked out about the whole aids thing afterwards though, but they were just regular catholic-ashamed basket cases, so I didn't bat an eyebrow. I mean, why would I ask that…that's such a boner killer!?”

“Jesus Christ Lester! Do you ever take your head out of your ass?! You can't go through life obvious to everything going on, because newsflash man, you live in the world, and this shit will affect you, whether you pay attention to it or not!! When will you leanrn the world is wider then fucking New Jearsy man!”

“Hey man, I get it, you're sooo smart, you read the new york times every day, you know what the soviets are doing and if the stock market crashed, well good for you.”

“Gosh, you don’t get it do you. Wake up, man! Aids is everywhere, Ewing is sheltered but it's not another planet man, there have been new cases reported in Trenton, Riverside, and Atlantic City within the last week! Ok, no one survives it, it’s an epidemic man, thousands have died already. Not just in New York City, but all over the world! Look.” Kevin held up the Washington post cover, in my face, of the latest statistics of Aids death. Wow, he wasn't messing around, trying to put the fear of god up in me all of a sudden.

“15,100 Dead, kids, stupid kids, not much older than you, they will never grow old, man, and there's more every day. You don't know about it, because the government has been covering it up, and lying about it for years! Man, they're counting on…stupid kids like you to not know the risks, adn pay the price. They say it’s god's punishment at church, like all the gay people dying somehow asked for this. You wonder why I stopped going to church recently, it’s not because of dad, ok, it’s because of this. I can't sleep at night, man, thinking of humanity…how all these heartless jerks at school talk about it. After I gave you the loveliest, it was bearing on my conscience…what I did, that I sent you to the slaughter.---

“Kevin…I think maybe, we should write a rock song about this. You know, it could go ‘Oh, Love my is dangerous, I sent him to the slaughter’”

“Haha, NO! can you please try to take this seriously, for just a moment. Look, I know this is gross, and awkward…but, just to be sure, let me check-”

“No! Hey man, hands off! You aren't checking anything, ew gross!? man what are you doing, your not a fucking nurse!? Besides, I think I’d know by now if I had something so serious! Look, I don't know much about all that Aids stuff–n all, like you said, nobody does, why would they? Most people we know don't even know how to pull out!? But I'm not stupid, I've been to new york city, 

“New York city? No you haven't…”

“Yes I have, where do you think I got our band Leather?”

“Ok, well, that's still only once.”

“Alright, well once is more than enough! It was crazy, you saw people walking around with it, everywhere I was in the Village, it was like…pretty scary man. So I know first hand, to have it, you gotta have a bunch of bruises on your face and shit. And last time I checked, I didn't get any bruises, ok? SO take a chill pill, man!” Jesus, Kevin wouldn't let up. He’s clearly been doing his research too.

“Yeah, I know Lester, they're called lesions, and…hold on, holy shit! YOU HAVE ONE, YOU–HAVE ONE, RIGHT ONE YOUR NECK!!?”

“That's a hickey dude.” Kevin sighed with relief, and started to dial back his “aids scare” panic attack. I tried to take him seriously, and hear him out. 

“Look, it’s just…ok, dude listen to me symptoms show up months after you contact it, so wouldn't even know this soon. Um, I mean…I know the football guys sleep around at parties every weekend, with god knows who. I–mean,-”

“Dude relax, like none of them were gay, I can assure you. SO there's like…zero chance anyone had it before we did, there, case closed!”

“...you know you don't have to be gay to get AIDS, right? You know countless early cases in Africa were found in straight couples. It's not a ‘gay plague’, that's just propaganda, like, you know that right?”

“Wow, Kev I can see you've been doing your research…ok, well everyone says you have to be gay, so…hey, It’s called propaganda for a reason, I guess I’m not immune, go figure. You're right I'm just a dumb sheep, I’d believe anything the government says, even if I don't rock against it. It’s ok, though, you still think I'm a sheep regardless, that I’m incapable of making it in the world on my own, without you!”

“I never said that, man.”

“But, Hey your right, like fucking always! I don't spend my days pondering this stuff man! I'm a rock n roll musician, not an epidemiologist? When you live for “Sex drugs and rock n roll”, you know sometimes it's bound to get a little messy”

“Look, I'm just worried about you, man. I'm your brother, I'm allowed to be concerned, considering what is happening in the world, there's always a reason to be worried, and this…is an especially good one. Because If you did get…sick, um it would be all my fault. I gave you the list so you wouldn't feel lonely, because I wanted you to be happy and I didnt think about the implications. We just had so much going on with the band, and school, I just—the news is so slow to get out here, they don't tell us shit, man, that's how you get it, by not knowing any better! Oh my god, the list…all those guys I didn't think of, the one time I didnt think, it's with this of all things?! You didn't even have a choice, oh god, I-I'm-i'm so sorry yyyyyyyyyy! I'm so sorry man, please forgive me!??????!!!!” Kevin started to cry into his naked elbow. Jesus, this man was a blubbering mess. Jesus, he never cried in front of me let alone like a little bitch baby. Oh good lord, not again.

Alright, I think it was time I took his advice, and gave him a pep talk for once.

“Alright, now I think you're the one being paranoid. Pull yourself together man! Jesus, this is not what I would call living in the moment, in fact it seems like the opsite. You got good advice man, you should take it sometime.”

“It’s just too much man! The worlds gone crazy, I just couldn't deal if you got hurt, it’s my job to protect you, man, somdobodys gotta do it!? I don't question it, it’s just what big brothers do. God knows no one was ever looking out for us, so we have to be there for eachother other, no matter what. But…It’s just, so much pressure man, one of these days…it might just be to much for me, and I wouldn't even care about letting everyone down anymore, like youd, I’d just be liberated I’d give it all up-”

“What are you talking about man?” Kevin kept crying, I've never seen him like this, like a man on the brink of insanity. Being pushed too far all these years, I never thought it would happen, but I think he finally broke.

“Man, I never wanted you to know this…you have enough going on. But Last week it was all just too much, and I considered checking myself into Trenton psychiatric, just for a few days so I wouldn't…do anything stupid. I needed to get away, From everyone, but thinking of you was the only thing giving me the power to move forward. But it’s just too much man, I'm just one guy after all, I'm just a human being not their prop, not a number cruncher, a pawn, a puppet for their aims! I'm a person, and I never signed up for this! Everything is riding on my shoulders, just one slip up, and I’m finished. But I gotta be the strong one, if I show one sliver of fear, of emotion, it’s proof that I'm weak! and that I’m not a real man, and I just don't have what it takes to live up to it!? I just can never catch a break, man. Sometimes I just wanna say, fuck the world, and go to Flat Earther’s hill, drown the world out with Bruce Springsteins greatest hits never come down. Please, oh Jesus, it’s late, I-I don't want you to see me like this-” Kevin just closed on the floor in tears, I was paralyzed by fear and concern, never seeing him so low. But, I knelt beside him and comforted him like instinct, he’s done the same for me a thousand times, I never thought he’d be the one who needed to be uplifted, with a classic pep talk. 

“Kev, it’s ok, it’s ok man. Just–take a deep breath, can you do that for me?” I hugged him tight, as Kev continued to sniffle hysterically into my shoulder.

“Just look at me, and…breathe” I grabbed his hands, and forced him to look at me, just like he did after all my freak outs, time, and time again. 

“Inhale”

“Exhale”

“Now repeat after me, You overslept.”

“I overslept.” Kevin said, through strained laughter, wiping back tears.

“Your getting into Harvard”

“I'm getting into Harvard”

“Were gonna kick ass tomorrow”

“were gonna kick ass tomorrow”

“I do not have Aids.”

“You do not have Aids” 

“You don't owe the world shit”

“I don't owe the world shit”

“You deserve a break”

“I deserve a break”

“Everything is gonna be ok.”

“Everything is gonna be ok.”

“Ok. Now doesn't that Feel better ?”

“Big time.” Kevin said, sighing, and “You don't owe the world shit”whipping his tears.

“Ok! Now, we can quell each other's paranoia all night long, man, but you of all people know that there's a time and a place. and look man, I’ll kiss your ass on this one (figuratively) I promise, if you're still wigging out about this by tomorrow, I’ll even get tested, if it will help you sleep at night? Alright? But I promise, it’s all Hunky dory, man. But I gotta admit, It’s kind of hilarious seeing “perfect kelvin '' be the one getting out of whack for once, almost like you're a human being or something? ”

“Well I'm glad my crippling fear for your health is entertaining”

“Ha, well so am I, somones gotta enterin around here. Hey I think it's time to hit the sack man, for real this time”

“Alright, man.”  started walking down the hallway

“Hey Lester–” I spun around

“Yeahhhhhh?”

“These are the best days of our lives.”

“Um… If that's true, then please get the shotgun-” 

“Ha yeah…but we’ll look back one day, and miss these days, when we were young and stupid like........Glory days well they'll pass you by, Glory days! in the wink of a young girl's eye, Glory days, glory days-'' Kevin spontaneously sang, in his best Springstein impression. 

“Hey, quoting songs is my thing!”

“Well, right now going to bed is your thing-”

“Ok, Goodnight, Flea”

“Ha ha, Goodnight.” Kevin said, finally shutting his door and the light. 

I walked back to my room, seeing as Trent was finally asleep as well. I finally went into my room, slammed the door behind me, and zonked out right on the floor, before I could even make it to the bed, I was that wasted. All I could think was, Kevin was getting fucked and he was so nice, there was nothing I could do about it, but wait for everything take a Dookie right on his face, and turn into full blown madness. There was no going back now that was for sure.