2/6/24
Lying Flatt : Writers Rock /With Amy
Revisions Check list.
For Lying Flatt: Draft 7. Things to fix before next workshop
Writer’s Rock Revision Check List for next workshop next month.
Things, Scenes to (maybe) cut/ Shorten, re-arrange:
Scenes to shorten for a succinct plot/better comedy:
First and last Flatt Earther Hill scene will Kevin (Cut Down.)
Car ride to Chili Pepper concert /concert itself
Some of Lester’s internal rants
Last Goodbye Scene at Camelot Records
The all Post rehearsal where the band is just shooting the shit/t (All scenes in their house, with, Weird foreshadowing of the Harvard stuff)
Cafeteria Scene where you meet Trent
Miss Mumphrey guidance counselor Scene.
mom/dad eavesdropping through the door(many mom dad abuse scenes)
Rubin and Lester’s frist sex scene in boys bathroom
Lester trying on Kevin’s Leather jacket for the first time
Lester’s first band rehearsal
Caride to the battle of the bands
Scene in prinpcals office
Scenes/plotlines to outright cut/delete entirely:
The Poopwater/flying out the window scene (maybe)
Some jokes/pointless Humor scenes we will see…
Scene in battle of the band’s where Rubin Beat’s up Lester in the stairwell.
All scenes/illistration of Lester talking about making Sex tapes of hm and rubin togeher (during their sex scene, before and after)
Any and all Mention of Aids (to highlight their ignoring of it, stigmtazion of it, outside of Kevin warning Lester in his own come to conscious moment but…make that moment different (Play up Lester’s ignorance about Aids/sex more for laughs to come back in book two-orgygate, or Just Cut the scene any mention of Aids all together, Kevin is still torn internally conficted but more abut not defending Lester when his dad beats them and for abounding the band to go to collage, not…Aids. Even though he’s the smart, one he’s still essntally just a sweet joke with a heart of gold, him packing over this really only made scene to stoke fear in lester about the rubin arc because of the other rumor’s Rubin didnt care if he spread aids in the past. But now im cutting all of that. Replace Kevin freaking out about aids with him, confessing he’s sorry, reavling to us the reader just how much Lester is downplaying his abuse and how much Kevin has to be complict, and maybe revealing some kind of enforcement of the church stil holding onto his relgious indity, “begging lester for forgivniss” Just a cover to show how much pressure Kevin’s under…first time he cracks, (though this scene might not make a ton of scence, tonally…)-on the fence about weather to keep the aids, scene or replace it with another scene of Kevin breaking down under the pressure especially regarding his guilt over things regarding Lester, because…it might be needed might not, I will have to see.
Plotlines to Change/Replace:
Kevin’s Love list/Rubin Sexual awakening/betrayal/ Harvard cheating scandal Subplot’s: (change to:)
Make Kevin getting into Princeton instead of Harbvard, and that being a big deal inrevent to most of the third act. Only bring it up, once if that, in regards to when the band asks about Kevins future (dont make it a main focuous at all until the very end)
Spend more time in a funny way, in the middle of the novel, after he get’s the lovelist/Rubin’s the first guy he loses his virginity too, (all the other guys he sleeps with he doesnt get feelings for because none of them are…rockers, Rubin thinks he’s a Looser even that his band is bad and underestimates him, until he starts to become competition then he starts to flatter him, Spend more time here, establishing Lester’s one-sided crush on Rubin (First Time feelings, love, gay love, etc) Kevin tells him from the start it’s not just sex Rubin told him he had feelings (not later on) Lester is now genuinely in love with Rubin in a one-sided crush well before he gets rubins note or any shattering of his ideal, any suspension he might be undermining him. Have a few scenes of the middle of Lester going to his show’s, trying to get him to go his, obsessing about him, fasting he’s on his wall instead of Flea, actually crushing on him, having Kevin back it up his feelings to justify the lovelist and just be a good /soportive brother, also because he’s poplar and neive and him and Rubin run in teh same circles as lester keeps bundling up their relaionsuip in his head, maybe even say he hooked up with him in the bathroom, in his van more times before he came to his house, comparing them to famous rock n roll couples -only for Trent to be the one to say after all that he’s bad bad experiences with rubin at the battle of the bands in the past warning Lester he’s got a history of being heartbreaker, sleeping arround, and…stealing peoples music to win witch he was almot desuified for in the past. Lester dismisses this, saying rubin is so good he would never need to steal from them (only to show in a later scenes that’s not true, he dilutes his usual hair metal critiques at one of his shows, where rubins band sucks, bcuase he’s got such rose tinted glasses, ignoring his own bands rise to promance -active effort to get an edge at the battle, spash they made at the try outs even if it also weirded them out.
Change Lester, already very susprious going to Rubins house to confront him about cheating on Kevins harvard test/being constanly seduced by him but having a conditraion at his house mostly about Kevin when Rubin reveals that he did cheat then Lester decieds to Sleep with him only to make a sex tape instead of all that, — Make it so Lester thinks based on what Kevin’s already told him, and his own delusions, Rubin is clearly to the reader not interested and looks down upon Lester. But change it now Rubin clearly looks down apon him but is faking being in love with him/faking also having feelings for him make it so they actually do have sex first and…it’s great and he’s high, and Lester is like…fully in love,
But it’s after they have Sex when Rubin reveals his true plan, -Asking Lester if he can show him, something Rubin Play’s him a song he’s gonna play at the battle of the bands (really he’s not) Lester loves it, but then Rubin asks what he’s playing and Lester tells him all about their band’s new songs, new identity, (that’s only gotten stranger since he saw them at try outs) he tells him about his trip to CBGBS and the leather shop and how it changed his life, Rubin acts unimpressed but really he’s jealous and…plans to secretly just as Trent warned do the ultimate rock n roll betrayal, not just any song, a song Lester says is secretly about Him and…their love. He even leads him on and says no matter who wins, he will let him come on tour with him and they will be together, on the road.
